How to Save Bucks Like You're Dodging the Pinkertons: A Guide to John Marston's Frugal Frontier
Howdy, partners! Let's talk turkey, or rather, let's talk beans and bullets. We all know our beloved John Marston ain't exactly swimming in gold bars. Between raising a family on a ranch built on the back of shady dealings, outrunning bounty hunters with itchy trigger fingers, and battling existential dread like it's a rabid varmint, the man could use a few extra pesos jingling in his pocket.
So, saddle up, varmints, because we're about to ride through the dusty plains of John's finances and uncover some gold nuggets of savings-savvy wisdom.
1. Ditch the Fancy Tonic, Embrace the Swamp Water:
Forget those fancy tonics that promise to cure whatever snake venom, bullet wound, or existential crisis you've picked up. Guzzle that swamp water like it's going out of style! It's free, tastes vaguely of tadpoles, and builds character. Plus, think of the money you'll save – enough to invest in a reliable cough drop recipe before your voice gives out from yelling at those mangy coyotes.
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| How To Save Money For John Marston |
2. Embrace the Thrift-Store Life:
Forget those fancy Saint Denis tailors. Head over to the nearest bandit hang-out and rummage through their discarded loot bags. You'll find gently used bandoliers, slightly singed hats with bullet holes adding "character," and boots already broken in for outrunning the law. Just be sure to check for souvenir tumbleweeds and stray varmint teeth.
3. Turn Poaching into Prosperity:
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Those bounties ain't the only things worth huntin'. Grab your varmint rifle and head out into the wilds. Deer pelts make for fine winter coats, boar chops taste just as good as store-bought (with a bit more grit), and eagle feathers sell for a pretty penny to those eccentric feather-brain collectors. Just remember, Bambi's mom is off-limits. Even John ain't that heartless.
4. Master the Art of the Barter:
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Cash ain't always king, partner. Hone your bartering skills sharper than your trusty blade. Trade pelts for ammo, moonshine for medicine, and maybe even your wife's legendary lemon cake for a brand new Schofield revolver (don't tell Abigail, it's temporary!). Just remember, a handshake ain't a contract, so keep your eyes peeled for shifty varmints looking to shortchange you.
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5. Embrace the Power of DIY:
Need a new fence post? Don't pay some overpriced lumberjack. Chop down a tree yourself! Need a new pair of boots? Saddle up that mangy coyote and fashion some boots from its hide! It might not be Gucci, but it'll be functional and smell distinctly of the frontier. Just be careful not to accidentally make chaps out of a mountain lion – trust me, the fashion statement ain't worth the mauling.
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Bonus Tip: Get Yourself a Side Hustle:
Ranching ain't exactly a gold mine, especially when your livestock has a tendency to wander off towards bandit camps. Pick up a side gig! Play that harmonica like an angel for tips in saloons, offer your questionable gambling skills in backroom poker games, or even write a tell-all memoir about your outlaw days (just make sure you change the names to protect the guilty... and yourself).
Remember, partners, saving money on the frontier ain't about deprivation, it's about resourcefulness and embracing the wild spirit of self-reliance. So get out there, spit shine your spurs, and show those Pinkertons that John Marston ain't going broke anytime soon. And if all else fails, well, there's always robbing a train. But let's keep that as a last resort, shall we?
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a rendezvous with a coyote and a pair of scissors. Those chaps aren't gonna make themselves!
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