So You Wanna Be a Death Douchebag? How Old Do You Have to Be to Sell Life Insurance?
Let's face it, selling life insurance isn't exactly the career path splashed across glossy posters at a vocational high school. It's more like the kid in the corner, picking at his lukewarm mystery meatloaf and wondering if anyone will remember him at graduation. But, hey, some morbid souls see the allure – the potential to profit off existential dread, the endless supply of free coffee at client appointments (because who buys life insurance on an empty stomach?), and the thrill of convincing perfectly healthy people to imagine their own demise.
But before you don your polyester suit and whip out your "Dead by Age 35?" PowerPoint presentation, there's one crucial question: how old do you have to be to sell life insurance?
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Spoiler alert: it's not, like, 12. You can't be slinging policies between sips of your Capri Sun in the fifth grade, even if you do have a killer pitch based on that time Timmy fell out of the jungle gym.
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The official answer: you gotta be at least 18 in most places. Some states might bump that up to 19 or 20, just to make sure you've had enough existential crises of your own to truly understand the product. It's like a rite of passage – you graduate high school, turn legal, and bam! You're ready to talk death with strangers for commission.
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But here's the real deal: age is just a number, man. Sure, you might lack the wrinkles and gravitas of Old Man Johnson, who's been hawking policies since polyester was cutting-edge fashion. But what you have is youthful exuberance, the naivety of not having stared into the abyss for too long, and probably a killer TikTok dance to break the ice after that awkward "So, have you thought about dying lately?" conversation.
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Think of it like this: you're the Taylor Swift of the life insurance world. You can connect with young professionals just getting their lives (and mortgages) started. You can talk about avocado toast as a financial risk factor. You can even throw in a bit of dark humor – "Sure, student loans are bad, but have you considered the ultimate debt collector?" – and actually make people laugh instead of running for the hills.
So, the bottom line is: if you're over 18, have a decent grasp of mortality (or at least a good Wikipedia article bookmarked), and can handle the occasional awkward silence after suggesting someone buy a policy for their pet goldfish, then the world of life insurance awaits. Just remember, it's not all doom and gloom. You can still have fun. You can still make a difference. You can still wear those skinny jeans, even if Old Man Johnson judges you every time you walk into the office.
Just one final word of advice: before you start pitching policies, maybe invest in a decent therapist. You're gonna need it. Death is a heavy business, even when you're young and fabulous.
P.S. If you actually sell a policy to a goldfish, please let me know. I need that story for my next stand-up routine.
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