How to Build New York City in Cities: Skylines: A So-Called "Guide" for Aspiring Megalomaniacs
Forget Paris with its Eiffel Tower, and London with its red buses. The real urban jungle challenge is crafting the concrete chaos that is New York City in Cities: Skylines. Buckle up, aspiring SimMayor Giuliani, because we're about to paint the town (and the river) orange (and brown, and grey... there's a lot of concrete involved).
Step 1: Location, Location, Location (But Mostly Manhattan)
First things first, ditch the boring flatlands. You want an island, baby, a cramped, irregular rock that screams, "Hey, let's stick a million people on it and see what happens!" Think Ellis Island squeezed into a hot dog bun, and you're on the right track. Remember, space is precious, just like that last slice of New York pizza before the pigeons swoop in.
Step 2: Gridlock Your Heart Out
The Big Apple's streets ain't for the faint of grid. Forget fancy roundabouts and scenic highways. We're talking a concrete labyrinth that makes Escher cry. One-way streets, dead ends, and avenues that inexplicably turn into highways – embrace the chaos! Bonus points if you can create a traffic jam so epic, it makes rush hour on the Brooklyn Bridge look like a Sunday stroll.
Step 3: Skyscrapers and Dreams (Mostly Skyscrapers)
Now, let's talk vertical ambition. Throw up skyscrapers like confetti at a Wall Street ticker tape parade. Don't worry about zoning or sunlight – who needs natural light when you have the blinding neon glow of a thousand bodegas? Just remember, the higher the rent, the tinier the apartment. Gotta keep those dreams alive, even if they're crammed into a shoebox with pigeons for roommates.
Step 4: Subways, Hot Dogs, and Honking Taxis (The Holy Trinity)
No New York City is complete without a subway system that's equal parts essential and infuriating. Tunnels so deep you'll hear whispers of forgotten pizza rats, platforms packed tighter than a Times Square mosh pit, and delays that make molasses look speedy. And don't forget the hot dog stands and honking taxis – the soundtrack to urban arrhythmia.
Step 5: Sprinkle in Some "Flavor" (a.k.a. Grit)
Now, New York City ain't all glitz and glamour. Throw in some grit, like forgotten chewing gum stuck to the sidewalk and buildings that haven't seen a paintbrush since the disco era. Add a generous sprinkle of graffiti, some bodegas with questionable hygiene ratings, and enough pigeons to make Hitchcock proud. Don't forget the steam grates spewing dubious vapors – it's all part of the charm, like a pungent cheese that acquires a certain... character with age.
Bonus Round: Unleash the Urban Jungle
Remember, New York City is a living, breathing organism. Let it sprawl, let it overflow, let it defy all logic and zoning regulations. Throw in a Central Park oasis amidst the concrete, add a Brooklyn Bridge for some iconic flair, and maybe even squeeze in a Lady Liberty replica (bonus points if you make her torch flicker like a disco ball).
Disclaimer: This "guide" is for entertainment purposes only. Building a realistic New York City in Cities: Skylines will likely result in frustration, rage quits, and existential dread. But hey, that's just part of the New York charm, right? So go forth, build your concrete jungle, and remember: with great power (and mods), comes great responsibility (and lag). Now get out there and make SimMayor Giuliani proud!
