Grand Theft Auto: How to Insure Your Ride (Before You Wreck It, Obviously)
So, you've just pinched a Bugatti Veyron with the subtlety of a drunken hippo in a china shop. Congrats, you're living the Los Santos dream! But before you peel out and leave a trail of rubber and existential dread, let's talk insurance. Because let's face it, in this city, your chances of keeping a car intact are about as good as finding a decent therapist who takes BitCoin.
Step 1: Don't be a GTA noob.
Yeah, yeah, you saw Franklin steal a car in the prologue and thought, "Piece of cake, right?" Wrong. Unless you're a driving god with nerves of steel and the reflexes of a hummingbird on espresso, your shiny new ride is about as durable as a sandcastle in a tsunami.
Step 2: Befriend a greasy mechanic.
Los Santos Customs, your one-stop shop for pimping your ride and keeping it (somewhat) in one piece. Head to any of their convenient locations (scattered around the city like regret after a tequila night) and find yourself a friendly neighborhood mechanic. Just don't ask if they've ever "borrowed" any parts for their personal project cars.
Step 3: Talk turkey with Mors Mutual.
These guys are basically the Dr. Phil of car insurance in Los Santos. They'll listen to your sob story about your totaled Adderall (again, not judging) and, for a small fee, make it disappear like a magician with a bad bladder. Plus, they'll even deliver your shiny new replacement right to your doorstep, like a guilt-free gift from your slightly disappointed parents.
Bonus Tip: Track that sucker!
Think of it like an ankle bracelet for your car. For another small fee, Mors Mutual will slap a tracker on your ride so you can always find it, even if it ends up parked in the bottom of the Pacific Ocean (thanks, Trevor!). Trust me, it's way cheaper than hiring a skywriter to spell out "WHERE'S MY CAR?!" above the city.
Now go forth and wreak havoc, my insured friend!
Just remember, with great power comes great responsibility (and a hefty insurance bill). But hey, at least you won't be stuck pushing your totaled Lambo down Vinewood Boulevard like a broke Kardashian. Unless, of course, you're into that sort of thing. No judgment here.
Disclaimer: This guide does not guarantee your car's safety in the face of rampant police chases, rocket launchers, and your own questionable driving skills. Use Mors Mutual responsibly, and maybe lay off the tequila before hitting the gas. Peace out!
