New York's Calling, Agents! But Can You Answer with a Bullet (and Maybe a Little Laughter)?
Hey there, fellow Division agents! Feeling those D.C. streets getting a little too familiar? Skyscrapers looking less "iconic" and more "same old, same dystopia"?
Well, buckle up, because New York City's beckoning like a siren song sung by a chain-smoking hyena, and it's time to answer the call! (Just, maybe bring earplugs for the hyena part.)
But hold on, rookie. Getting to the Big Apple in The Division 2 ain't like hailing a cab on 5th Avenue (unless that cab's armed with a minigun and driven by a rogue cleaner, which, hey, wouldn't be the weirdest thing in 2024). Here's your not-so-serious guide to navigating the NYC travel scene, Division-style:
Option 1: Helicopter Hijinks (for the Thrill-Seekers)
- Befriend your friendly neighborhood pilot: Locate the dude standing outside the White House with a perpetually worried expression (it's probably the constant helicopter noise giving him migraines). Offer him a stale protein bar and some witty banter. He might just cough up the keys to his trusty chopper.
- Hotwire that bird like nobody's business: If charm fails, well, Agents gotta improvise, right? Just remember, duct tape and chewing gum only go so far when it comes to aviation mechanics.
- Dodge angry Hyenas and rogue LMG turrets: Because apparently, New York's air traffic control got replaced by a pack of rabid hyenas with trigger fingers. Good luck with that.
- Crash-land in style (hopefully): Aim for Central Park. Landing on Central Park Tower is impressive, but landing in Central Park Tower... now that's a show-stopper.
Option 2: Fast Travel Fancy (for the Lazy Agents)
- Open that fancy map thingy: You know, the one with all the blinking lights and cryptic symbols? Don't worry, you'll figure it out eventually.
- Spot the Big Apple (it's not subtle): It's kinda hard to miss the giant glowing icon that screams "NEW YORK! COME PLAY HERE!" unless you're, well, blind.
- Clicky-click, boom, you're there: Faster than a rogue Rikers running from a grenade, you'll be touching down in NYC like a badass, invisible travel fairy. Just don't forget your souvenir gas mask.
Bonus Option: Walk it Off (for the Masochists)
- Equip your comfiest boots: Because you're gonna be hoofing it all the way from D.C. That's like, a million blocks, or something. Maybe bring a podcast about pre-apocalyptic life to keep you company (sobbing optional).
- Pack light: Trust me, lugging around that LMG and all those grenades will make you sweat more than a Cleaner in a sauna. Stick to the essentials: duct tape, chewing gum, and maybe a good sense of humor.
- Prepare for the scenic route: Along the way, you'll get to "enjoy" sights like abandoned theme parks, toxic wastelands, and the occasional rabid Hyena rave. It's like a post-apocalyptic road trip, only less fun and with more gunfire.
- Arrive in New York looking like a hobo: But hey, at least you'll have bragging rights! You can tell everyone you walked all the way there, uphill both ways, in the blistering Washington D.C. summer (which, in 2024, is basically every season).
So there you have it, Agents! Your ticket to the Big Apple of broken dreams and Hyena infestations. Just remember, keep your eyes peeled, your trigger finger itchy, and your sense of humor handy. New York's a wild ride, and you're in for the craziest vacation ever!
(Disclaimer: Bard is not responsible for any Hyena-related injuries, rogue helicopter incidents, or existential crises caused by the current state of NYC. Proceed at your own risk, and may the odds be ever in your favor.)
