So You Want to Sell Life Insurance? A Hilariously Unhelpful Guide for the Slightly Morbid Optimist
Life insurance: the ultimate conversation starter for awkward family gatherings and a guaranteed way to kill any party faster than a rogue disco ball. But hey, someone's gotta peddle these policies, right? And why shouldn't that someone be you, champion of morbid puns and master of the slightly uncomfortable sales pitch?
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| How To Sell Life Insurance Policy To Customers |
Step 1: Embrace the Existential Dread.
Tip: Reread key phrases to strengthen memory.
Look, death is coming for all of us. It's like a bad rom-com sequel - inevitable, slightly disappointing, and you know at least one key character will bite it in the end. But hey, with life insurance, you can at least make sure your loved ones get a decent parting gift (besides that awkward casserole you brought to Thanksgiving). Think of yourself as a grim reaper with a gift basket. A very expensive, slightly dusty gift basket.
Reminder: Reading twice often makes things clearer.
Step 2: Target the Newly Depressed.
Just went through a divorce? Lost your job? Witness a squirrel get devoured by a hawk? These are your people, my friend! When life throws lemons (or in this case, dead squirrels), offer them lemonade (or in this case, a hefty payout that might ease the sting of existential despair). Remember, misery loves company, and your commission cheque loves misery even more.
QuickTip: Don’t skim too fast — depth matters.
Step 3: Master the Art of the Guilt Trip.
"So, you're telling me your children's college fund is just a stack of 'IOUs' scribbled on napkins? And your spouse wouldn't know the difference between a retirement plan and a particularly dusty attic? Think how devastated they'll be when they inherit nothing but bills and that slightly creepy porcelain doll collection! But with a low, low monthly premium, you can ensure they get something much nicer... like, say, a moderately used toaster oven."
QuickTip: Revisit posts more than once.
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Bonus Round: Funerals, the Underrated Networking Event.
Who needs LinkedIn when you've got obituaries? Strike up conversations with grieving widows like, "Lovely eulogy, Mrs. Henderson. And let me just say, your late husband had excellent taste in... life insurance policies! Speaking of..." Remember, tact is for chumps. This is the Wild West of life insurance sales, baby!
Disclaimer: This guide is for entertainment purposes only and should not be taken as serious financial advice. Unless you're really into awkward conversations and slightly creepy porcelain dolls. In that case, knock yourself out!
P.S. If you actually manage to sell a policy using these tips, please send me a small donation (preferably not in the form of used Tupperware). I need therapy after writing this.
Good luck, future grim reaper with a gift basket! Remember, death is inevitable, but a hefty payout can at least make it slightly less inconvenient. Now go forth and conquer the world of life insurance, one awkward pitch at a time!
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