How to Spend Money with Skier: A Thrifty (and Slightly Chaotic) Guide
Ah, Skier. The man of mystery, the purveyor of questionable gear, and the unofficial mayor of Customs' darkest corners. Spending money with him is like playing roulette with your rubles – exhilarating, potentially disastrous, and always a gamble. But fear not, aspiring Tarkovians, for I'm here to guide you through the treacherous (and oddly charming) world of Skier's stock.
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| How To Spend Money With Skier |
Step 1: Embrace the Inner Hoarder
Skier doesn't like fancy. He likes used, worn, and preferably with enough rust to qualify as historical artifacts. So ditch your dreams of gucci AKs and embrace the beauty of the Mosin Nagant: cheap, plentiful, and effective against scavs with unfortunate aim (and your own sanity). Remember, it's not about looking good, it's about surviving to look ugly another day.
Tip: Avoid distractions — stay in the post.
Pro tip: Invest in a decent slingshot. You'll be slinging rocks more often than bullets in Skier's world.
Step 2: Befriend the Grenades (They're Lonely)
Forget fancy attachments and tactical lasers. Skier's love language is grenades. Lots and lots of grenades. Flashes, smokes, RGDs – you name it, he's got a suspiciously damp bucket of them in the back. Embrace the explosive life, become a walking firework show, and watch those scav numbers skyrocket. Just remember, friendly fire is still fire, and your teammates might not appreciate a surprise F1 shower.
Tip: Don’t rush — enjoy the read.
Bonus points: Learn to cook grenades like a Michelin-starred chef. Skier appreciates a man who understands the delicate art of delayed detonation.
Step 3: Master the Art of the Barter (and Bartering with Yourself)
Money talks, but barter screams in Skier's ears. Socks, lighters, toilet paper – these are your currency, your lifeblood. Gather them with the fervor of a squirrel preparing for winter, and watch Skier's eyes crinkle with delight as you offer him a pristine pack of smokes in exchange for that slightly bent AK-74 (bonus points if it still has the previous owner's blood on it). Just remember, bartering with yourself – swapping a bandage for a grenade for a can of beans – might raise some eyebrows (and hygiene concerns).
QuickTip: Read line by line if it’s complex.
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Disclaimer: Skier might judge your hoarding habits. Embrace the shame, it's part of the charm.
Step 4: Befriend the Therapist (She Needs the Laughs)
Skier's stock might be questionable, but his therapist, Anna, needs all the entertainment she can get. So embrace the chaos, trip over your own feet, accidentally discharge your Mosin into the ceiling. Every near-death experience, every questionable purchase, is a gift to Anna's sanity (and your medical bills).
Tip: Share this article if you find it helpful.
Remember: Laughter is the best medicine, even if it's laced with pain and a hint of gunpowder smoke.
In Conclusion:
Spending money with Skier is an adventure, not a shopping spree. It's about embracing the weird, the rusty, and the potentially explosive. So grab your slingshot, your bartering socks, and your slightly unhinged sense of humor – Skier's waiting, and he's got a bucket of grenades just for you. Just don't ask where he got them.
P.S. If you see a man sprinting across Customs in nothing but his underwear and a frying pan, that's probably me. Don't judge, I'm just living my best Skier life.
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