So You Want to Ditch Your Dump (Mortgage Included) - A Hilariously Hysterical Guide to Moving with a Mortgage on Your Back
Ah, the allure of a fresh start! New house, new neighbours (hopefully quieter than the tuba-enthusiast next door), and a fresh coat of paint that doesn't mysteriously change colour every full moon (let's not talk about the previous owner's "artistic choices"). But before you skip off into the sunset with a box full of dreams and a questionable collection of porcelain cats, there's a little hurdle to navigate: your mortgage. Don't worry, this isn't a lecture about fiscal responsibility (although, you might want to consider decluttering that porcelain cat collection to free up some cash). This is your hilarious guide to untangling yourself from your current mortgage and taking it on a fun new adventure (to your new house, that is).
Step 1: Befriend Your Mortgage Lender (Unless They're a Robot)
First things first, contact your mortgage lender. Now, picture this: you call their customer service line, and a friendly voice, overflowing with sunshine and helpfulness, picks up. Plot twist: This scenario might be rarer than a compliment from your teenage nephew. More likely, you'll be navigating an automated system that sounds like it was programmed by a particularly grumpy toaster. Persevere, my friend! Get past the robots and the hold music that sounds suspiciously like elevator jazz gone horribly wrong. There's a real human on the other side (hopefully) who can answer your questions.
Tip: Pause, then continue with fresh focus.
Pro Tip: Do not unleash your inner comedian on the customer service rep. While it might be tempting to ask if they offer discounts for houses haunted by polka-playing ghosts (hey, you never know!), professionalism is key.
Step 2: Porting vs. Ditching - The Great Mortgage Debate
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There are two main paths you can take with your mortgage:
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Porting: Imagine your mortgage is like your pet goldfish (hopefully in a more financially secure way). You can "port" your mortgage to your new house, essentially taking your existing interest rate and loan terms with you. This can be a great option if you have a fantastic interest rate you don't want to let go of. But be warned, your lender will likely need to check out your new digs (think of it as a royal mortgage inspection) and make sure you can still afford everything.
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Remortgaging: This is like saying "see ya later" to your old mortgage and taking out a brand new one for your new house. You might be able to snag a better interest rate (especially if rates have dropped since you first got your mortgage), but there will likely be fees involved.
The Ultimate Showdown: Porting vs Remortgaging
QuickTip: The more attention, the more retention.
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This really depends on your specific situation. Consider factors like:
- Interest Rates: Is your current rate amazing or just meh?
- Fees: Will the fees for remortgaging outweigh the potential benefits of a lower interest rate?
- Your New House: Does the value of your new house work with your current mortgage amount?
Step 3: Escape from Moving Hell (with minimal meltdowns)
Tip: Note one practical point from this post.
Congratulations! You've conquered the mortgage maze. Now comes the "fun" part: the actual move. Here are a few tips to avoid a nervous breakdown:
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Declutter Ruthlessly: Those porcelain cats? Time to say goodbye (sell them online, donate them, or, if all else fails, use them for target practice in the backyard - but please be safe!). The less stuff you have, the less you have to move.
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Embrace the Packing Party (or Not): Moving parties can be a great way to enlist free labour (read: friends and family) in exchange for pizza and questionable dance moves. But if the thought of people rummaging through your sock drawer fills you with dread, then a solo packing marathon with your favourite tunes might be the way to go.
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Hire Help if Needed: There's no shame in hiring professional movers. Especially if you live on the 10th floor and your back has the structural integrity of a particularly soggy teabag.
Remember: Moving is a marathon, not a sprint. Pace yourself, bribe your friends with pizza, and most importantly, don't lose your sense of humour! With a little planning and laughter, you'll be sipping tea in your new house before you know it (and hopefully without any lingering polka-playing ghosts).
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