So You Want to Become a True Toffee? A Totally Tongue-in-Cheek Guide to Buying Everton Shares
Ah, Everton Football Club. The Grand Old Lady. A team that stirs emotions like Marmite (love it or hate it, but never boring). And what better way to show your die-hard devotion than by becoming a shareholder? You'll be joining the ranks of legendary names...well, maybe not quite there, but you get the idea.
But before you raid your piggy bank and dream of sugar plum nights at Goodison Park, there are a few things to consider. This ain't your average trip to the sweet shop, mate.
Step 1: Embrace the Rarity of a Rocking Horse Tooth
Unlike buying shares in some tech startup that'll probably go bust by next week, Everton shares are about as common as a reliable referee decision at Anfield. These bad boys are closely held, meaning they're not exactly traded on the open market like your run-of-the-mill stock.
Tip: Look for examples to make points easier to grasp.
Translation: Finding a share for sale is about as likely as spotting a unicorn riding a moped down Walton Breck Road.
Step 2: Befriend a Broker (with Deep Pockets)
So, how do you get your mitts on this elusive treasure? You'll need to cozy up to a stockbroker, preferably one who specializes in the slightly odd world of private company shares. Think of them as your key to the secret Willy Wonka chocolate factory of Everton ownership.
QuickTip: Reread tricky spots right away.
But be warned: These brokers aren't exactly known for their bargain basement prices. The last reported share prices were hovering around the £3,500 mark (plus fees, of course). That's more than a season ticket and a lifetime supply of Bovril combined!
Step 3: Channel Your Inner Sherlock Holmes
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If you're still keen, then it's time to unleash your inner detective. Your best bet is to contact Everton Shareholders Association or the club's brokers, Blankstone Sington. They might just have a lead on a potential seller.
QuickTip: Focus more on the ‘how’ than the ‘what’.
Top Tip: Brushing up on your negotiation skills wouldn't hurt either. You might need to convince some die-hard fan to part with their precious piece of the club.
Step 4: Patience is a Virtue (Especially When Dealing with Everton)
Look, let's be honest. This whole process might take longer than getting a refund from a dodgy online retailer. Finding a share could take weeks, months, or even years. But hey, if you're a true Blue, a little waiting is nothing compared to the glory of matchday at Goodison.
Tip: Take a sip of water, then continue fresh.
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| How To Buy Everton Shares |
The Bottom Line: Is it Worth It?
Owning an Everton share is more than just an investment, it's a badge of honor. You'll be a part of the club's history, with bragging rights that would make your Grandad jealous (especially if he remembers the golden years).
But before you dive headfirst into this potentially bank-account-draining adventure, just remember: buying Everton shares is a marathon, not a sprint. And hey, if all else fails, you can always just buy a season ticket and a replica shirt. You'll still get to yell yourself hoarse at the match, and that's what being a true Toffee is all about, right?
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