So You Tried to Buy a Friend? How NOT to End Up with a Refund (and Maybe Even a New BFF!)
Let's face it, making friends as an adult can be harder than parallel parking while blindfolded and reciting the alphabet backwards. You see all these cool people out there with their squads, laughing over inside jokes and sharing fries, and you're left feeling like a social hermit crab with a serious case of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out, for the uninitiated).
In a moment of desperation, you might've stumbled upon this crazy idea: buying a friend. Now, before you start scouring the black market for human companionship (highly illegal and frowned upon), let's rewind a bit. Did your attempt at a transactional friendship go hilariously south? Did you end up bribing a goth kid with pizza money for a begrudging hangout session? Don't worry, we've all been there (hopefully not literally eyes emoji).
Here's the good news: even a friend-buying fiasco can have a happy ending! Here's how to salvage the situation and maybe even score a genuine friendship (without involving any shady deals):
Tip: Focus on clarity, not speed.
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| How To Buy A Friend Ending |
Step 1: Embrace the Awkward
Yes, things might be a little... tense after your "business proposition." But hey, at least you took a shot! Instead of slinking away in shame, own the awkwardness. Boldly declare, "Wow, that friend-buying thing was way more awkward than that time I accidentally called my teacher 'Mom!'" Let out a self-deprecating laugh (because who doesn't love a person who can laugh at themselves?). This might just break the ice and lead to a conversation about, you know, normal things humans talk about (like the existential dread of Mondays).
Step 2: Find Common Ground (Besides Cash)
QuickTip: Skim first, then reread for depth.
So, your initial approach might have been a tad offbeat. But surely there's something you have in common with this person – a love for terrible reality TV, a shared hatred of cilantro, an unhealthy obsession with corgi puppies? Underline this common ground! Strike up a conversation about it. Who knows, maybe you'll discover a kindred spirit beneath the initial confusion.
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Step 3: Ditch the Money Talks
Reminder: Reading twice often makes things clearer.
This one's a no-brainer. Put a giant red line through any further financial incentives. True friendship isn't built on a foundation of cold, hard cash (although pizza is always a good conversation starter).
Step 4: Be a Good Friend (Even if You Started Out Acting Like a Weirdo)
Here's the shocker: friendships are a two-way street! Be interested in this person, listen to their woes, offer support (without expecting anything in return – remember, the money talks are over!). Basically, show them you actually care about them as a person, not just a potential bestie-by-purchase.
Tip: Reading in chunks improves focus.
The End (Hopefully With a New Friend!)
There you have it! By embracing the awkwardness, finding common ground, ditching the money talks, and being a good friend yourself, you might just turn that friend-buying blunder into a beautiful friendship. Who knows, maybe you'll even have a funny story to tell at future hangouts (because let's be honest, this whole ordeal is pretty darn hilarious).
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