How to NOT Card at Walmart: A Millennial's Guide to Avoiding Felonies and Existential Dread
Hey there, fellow discount enthusiasts! Ever seen those fancy credit card machines at Walmart and thought, "Man, I could so use a new gaming chair"? Well, hold your metaphorical horses (or unicorns, if that's your thing) because this guide is here to gently (but firmly) steer you away from a path paved with bad decisions and potential orange jumpsuits.
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| How To Card From Walmart |
Why You Shouldn't Card at Walmart (Besides the Obvious)
- It's, like, super illegal. I know, shocking, right? But apparently, using someone else's credit card to buy things isn't exactly considered good citizenship. Who knew?
- Think of the poor cashier. Seriously, they're already dealing with entitled Karens and couponers who think they invented the concept of discounts. Don't add "potential credit card fraud investigator" to their list of woes.
- Karma's a real you-know-what. Remember that time you accidentally left your lucky socks at your friend's house and then lost your phone the next day? Yeah, that kind of thing. Don't tempt the retail gods.
What Should You Do Instead?
- Get a job. I know, I know, revolutionary concept, right? But hear me out, having a job allows you to legally obtain money, which you can then use to ethically purchase things at Walmart, like that sweet neon spork collection you've been eyeing.
- Sell your old stuff online. Do you have a closet overflowing with clothes you haven't worn since, like, 2012? Unleash your inner Marie Kondo and channel your inner entrepreneur. You might be surprised at what people are willing to buy (slightly used) Beanie Babies for.
- Embrace the power of delayed gratification. Just because you want something right now doesn't mean you need it. Take some time to think about your purchase. Do you really need that fifth spatula, or is it just the siren song of the clearance aisle calling your name?
Look, I get it. We've all been there, staring longingly at that one thing we just can't afford. But trust me, the fleeting satisfaction of ill-gotten gains is not worth the potential consequences. There are way better ways to get what you want, ways that don't involve breaking the law and ending up with a permanent criminal record.
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So, the next time you're at Walmart and the urge to "card" something strikes, just remember this: there's a whole world of awesome (and legal) possibilities out there waiting for you. Go forth and conquer, my friend, but conquer ethically.
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