How to Snag the Coveted Blue Tick of Instagram Royalty (circa 2022, because let's be honest, we're all a little behind the times)
Ah, the blue tick. That little emblem of fame, fortune, and endless DMs from Nigerian princes (or maybe that's just my inbox). But how, oh how, do you, a mere mortal with an impressive cat photo collection, break into the exclusive club of the verified? Fear not, fellow meme connoisseur, for I, your friendly neighborhood internet guide (with questionable verification status myself), will unveil the secrets!
Step 1: Craft a Bio Worthy of Shakespeare (or at least a Rom-Com Tagline)
This is your prime real estate, baby! No pressure, but bold keywords like "CEO" "Influencer" or "Professional Dog Walker to the Stars" (hey, it's a niche!) are a good start. Inspirational quotes and emojis depicting wads of cash are freelancer-friendly options.
Tip: Read mindfully — avoid distractions.
Step 2: Post Like a Paparazzi with a Wi-Fi Addiction
Quantity over quality, my friends! Flood your feed with selfies (bathroom mirror selfies are particularly Instagram official), inspirational quotes you found on Pinterest, and poorly lit pictures of your dinner. Remember, the algorithm doesn't sleep (or shower, based on some content I've seen).
Reminder: Revisit older posts — they stay useful.
Step 3: Network Like a Social Butterfly with Sticky Feet
Beg, borrow, or barter your way into following celebrities you vaguely recognize from reality TV. Spam-comment witty remarks (think fire emojis and "OMG slay!") on even the most mundane posts of high-profile accounts. Bonus points if you accidentally tag the wrong person entirely!
Tip: Look for examples to make points easier to grasp.
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Step 4: Pay Absolutely No Attention to Verification Wannabe Schemes
Yes, there will be shady DMs promising blue ticks in exchange for your firstborn child or social security number. Absolutely resist the urge to engage. Remember, Instagram verification is FREE. Repeat, FREE. Unless you're accidentally signed up for Meta Verified, that new subscription service nobody understands (don't worry, I don't either).
Tip: Look for small cues in wording.
Step 5: Wait (Impatiently) and Hope for the Best
Now comes the hardest part: cultivating zen-like patience. Instagram might shower you with verification overnight, or you might be left staring longingly at the blue tick-less void. But hey, at least you've got an impressive collection of cat photos to show for it!
Disclaimer: This guide is intended for entertainment purposes only. There's no guaranteed path to verification, and sometimes, the most interesting accounts are the ones that haven't sold their soul for a blue badge. So keep it real, have fun, and who knows, maybe Instagram will notice your awesomeness after all.
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