How to Totally Snag That Coveted Blue Tick on Instagram: A Totally Legit (and Hilarious) Guide
Let's face it, folks, the blue tick on Instagram is the ultimate status symbol of the digital age. It's like a virtual crown, declaring you royalty of the meme and avocado toast set. But my friends, attaining this badge of honor ain't for the faint of heart (or the easily photo-shopped). Fear not, fellow social media enthusiasts, for I, your friendly neighborhood guide to internet fame (emphasis on friendly, maybe not so much on fame), am here to unveil the totally legit (air quotes welcome) methods for securing that blue checkmark.
1. Become a Literal Blue-Blooded Royal (Optional But Effective)
This might seem a tad obvious, but hey, if you happen to have a corgi-loving monarch kicking around in your family tree, this is your golden ticket (or should we say, blue checkmark ticket?). Just casually drop a few pics with your granny, the Queen, and watch the verification requests roll in. Disclaimer: Marrying into the monarchy is not recommended unless you truly enjoy endless cups of tea and corgi cuddles.
Tip: Look for small cues in wording.
2. Master the Art of Disguise (Because Technically, It's Not Impersonation)
Ever wondered why Kim Kardashian seems to be everywhere at once? Maybe it's because she's got a squad of impersonators strategically placed around the globe. Infiltrate the Hollywood elite with your uncanny ability to mimic their every pout and pose. Pro Tip: Invest in a good wig and some serious contouring skills. Aim for the slightly less A-list celebs to avoid accusations of actual impersonation (which is a big no-no on Insta).
Tip: Read in a quiet space for focus.
3. Become the World's Foremost Expert on Lint Removal (Because Apparently That's What Celebrities Do)
Have you ever noticed how every celebrity seems to be constantly battling rogue pieces of lint? It's not a coincidence, my friends. This is a secret code amongst the verified elite. Post endless photos meticulously removing lint from your designer clothing (the more outlandish the outfit, the better). Caption Inspiration: "Keeping it real with this cashmere sweater struggle #verifiedlife #lintbegone."
Tip: Compare what you read here with other sources.
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4. Befriend a Blue Ticked Beagle (Because Why Not?)
Look, Instagram loves animals (almost as much as influencers love filters). If you can somehow score a selfie with a verified canine companion (think Crusoe the Dachshund or Doug the Pug), you're practically guaranteed a blue checkmark by association. Word of Caution: Stealing someone's famous pet is a major faux pas. Be on the lookout for adoption opportunities or friendly neighborhood influencers with adorable pups.
Tip: Read carefully — skimming skips meaning.
5. Change Your Name to "Bluetick McVerifiedface" (Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures)
Let's be honest, if all else fails, a strategic name change might just do the trick. Embrace the blue tick dream and go all in with a moniker that screams legitimacy (or screams attention-seeking, depending on how you look at it). Just be prepared for a lifetime of explaining your unique choice of name at family gatherings.
Remember, friends, verification is a journey, not a destination (and sometimes a hilarious one at that). So keep it light, have fun, and who knows, maybe one day you'll be the one dispensing blue tick wisdom!
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