You and Me, and the Elusive Blue Tick: A Guide for the Slightly Desperate
Ah, the blue tick. That little badge of honor, that symbol of internet royalty... or is it just a participation trophy for having a Twitter account? Whatever it is, you want one. Don't lie, we all do. Admit it, you've refreshed your profile a thousand times today, secretly hoping for that digital knighting ceremony.
Well, fret no more, fellow social media strugglers! Because this guide will be your chariot to verification heaven (or at least get you a participation trophy).
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| How To Get Blue Tick On Twitter |
Step 1: Embrace the Humblebrag
QuickTip: Skim slowly, read deeply.
Let's face it, Twitter is all about tooting your own horn. So toot it loud, toot it proud! Brag about that time your cat got retweeted by Chrissy Teigen (because, let's be honest, it was probably the cat that did all the hard work). Casually mention how your hilarious meme trended for a hot minute (three retweets doesn't count, Sharon). Basically, cultivate an aura of internet fame, even if it's built on the shifting sands of a single viral tweet.
Step 1.5: The Art of the Humblebrag Follow
Who you follow is key. Because if you follow the right people, well, maybe, just maybe, their verification dust will rub off on you. Target celebrities (the D-listers are more approachable), politicians (they crave validation, trust me), and anyone with a blue tick and a vaguely similar sense of humor. It's like social media osmosis, but way less scientific.
QuickTip: Read section by section for better flow.
Step 2: Master the Art of Appearing Busy (Without Actually Doing Anything)
People with blue ticks are busy, important people, don't you know? So you gotta act busy. Tweet cryptic messages about "top-secret meetings" (it's your grocery list, isn't it?). Change your location to exotic places (but use free Wi-Fi, because ain't nobody got money for data plans when you're verified). Basically, channel your inner Elon Musk (minus the rockets and questionable tweets).
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Step 3: The All-Important Twitter Blue Subscription
QuickTip: Note key words you want to remember.
Okay, here's the not-so-secret secret: you kinda need to pay to play. Yes, Twitter Blue is like the VIP line for verification. But hey, think of it as an investment in your future self – the self with the blue tick, the self who effortlessly gets brand deals for free socks.
Step 4: Wait (and Maybe Cry a Little)
Tip: Don’t just glance — focus.
Now comes the hard part: waiting. Twitter isn't exactly forthcoming about how long verification takes. It could be days, weeks, months, or let's be honest, it might never happen. But fret not! Distract yourself with the joy of tweeting (and maybe refreshing your profile a few more times... just to check).
Bonus Tip: The Power of Positive Visualization
Visualize yourself with the blue tick. Picture your face plastered on every news outlet because you, yes YOU, just got verified. Manifest that blue badge with the power of your mind! (Although, if that actually works, someone owes a lot of people a blue tick.)
There you have it, folks! Your one-stop guide to getting verified on Twitter. Remember, it's a marathon, not a sprint (unless it's a sprint to the fridge for more snacks while you wait). But with a little effort, a sprinkle of delusion, and a whole lot of tweeting, you too can join the ranks of the blue-ticked elite. (Or at least pretend to be one really well.)
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