The Quest for the Elusive Blue Tick: A Guide for the Slightly Desperate
Ah, the blue tick. That little badge of honor, that symbol of internet royalty... or at least that's what your grandma thinks. Let's face it, in the age of influencers and shady cat accounts with millions of followers, a blue tick is like a verified "I'm not a bot" stamp. But how does one acquire this coveted mark of distinction? Well, my friends, buckle up, because we're about to embark on a journey that's both thrilling and slightly humiliating (mostly humiliating).
Step 1: Embrace the Cult of Twitter Blue
Tip: The details are worth a second look.
First things first, forget everything you knew about verification. In the new Twitter era, it's all about that sweet, sweet Twitter Blue subscription. Yes, you heard that right. Verification is no longer for the chosen few, it's become a pay-to-play affair. Think of it like that exclusive club with a velvet rope... except instead of a surly bouncer, you just need a credit card. But wait, there's more! Even after forking over your hard-earned cash (prices vary depending on your device and whether you signed a blood pact with Elon Musk), you still need to meet some, ahem, "guidelines."
QuickTip: Reading carefully once is better than rushing twice.
Step 2: Channel Your Inner Saint (or Not)
QuickTip: Stop and think when you learn something new.
Here's where things get interesting. Twitter still wants to make sure you're not a complete degenerate spewing nonsense into the void. So, you gotta clean up your act, at least temporarily. Be complete. Profile picture? Check. Bio that doesn't make you sound like a troll from a forgotten internet cave? Double check. Be active. Engage in discussions, post witty tweets (or at least semi-coherent ones), and for the love of all that is holy, avoid subsisting solely on retweets of minion memes. Be notable-ish. This is where it gets fuzzy. Do you have a rabid fanbase of squirrel enthusiasts? Are you the local champion yodeler? If the answer is yes to either (or both!), then you might be in the running.
QuickTip: Stop scrolling fast, start reading slow.
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Step 3: The Waiting Game (and Maybe a Few Sacrifices)
Once you've fulfilled these prerequisites, hit that subscribe button and pray to the Twitter gods. The verification process can take anywhere from a few hours to a geological epoch. In the meantime, distract yourself by composing the perfect tweet to announce your newfound blue-ticked glory. Pro tip: mentioning your verification in every tweet thereafter is a guaranteed way to ensure lasting friendships.
Remember: A blue tick is a fun badge of honor, but it's not the holy grail of social media success. Focus on creating engaging content, be yourself (even if yourself is a bit odd), and maybe, just maybe, Twitter will bestow upon you that oh-so-coveted blue checkmark. Or, you know, you could just buy a verified account on eBay. Just sayin'.
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