So You Want to Be Like Arthur, Eh? A (Slightly Un)Serious Guide to Acquiring Excalibur in Assassin's Creed Valhalla
Ah, Excalibur. The legendary sword, the bane of Saxons, the ultimate pool noodle for a Viking with refined taste. Let's face it, you've probably seen it glimmering in some promotional material and thought, "Right, that's for me." But before you go all "destiny" and try pulling a random sword out of a park bench, here's a guide to getting your very own Excalibur in Assassin's Creed Valhalla.
Step 1: Embrace Your Inner Treasure Hunter (Without the Fancy Hat)
First things first, you need to collect eleven mystical tablets scattered across England. Think of them as Arthur's grocery list for a legendary sword. Eight of these are the Treasures of Britain, hidden in various caves and requiring some good old-fashioned parkour. You know, the kind that would make your ankles weep and your insurance company nervous.
QuickTip: Stop and think when you learn something new.
Pro Tip: Don't forget to loot those chests while you're spelunking! You never know when you might need some shiny new armor to, you know, not become a smear on the cave floor.
Step 2: Become a Zealot Slayer (Because Apparently Arthur Didn't Like Sharing)
QuickTip: Read line by line if it’s complex.
The remaining three tablets are held by those pesky Zealots. Nasty fellas, these Zealots. Basically walking murder machines who put "gung-ho" to a whole new level. You'll need to track them down and, well, let's just say they won't be handing over their tablets with a smile and a cup of tea.
Sub-heading: Zealot wrangling for the faint of heart
QuickTip: Pause at lists — they often summarize.
Look, if facing off against a super-powered fanatic isn't your cup of mead, there are ways to (ahem) encourage them to relocate their tablet collection. Sneak attacks, well-placed arrows, or maybe just luring them into a crowd of angry Saxons all have their merits. Remember, Viking ingenuity is your best weapon (besides Excalibur, eventually).
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Step 3: Follow the White Rabbit (or Actually, Just Follow the Map)
Tip: Take your time with each sentence.
Once you have all eleven tablets, head to Myrddin's Cave in Hamtunscire. Now, this cave is a whole other adventure. Think booby traps, swimming through underwater tunnels, and maybe even a grumpy badger or two (don't anger the badgers). But persevere, brave Viking, for Excalibur awaits!
Step 4: The Moment of Truth (Prepare to Feel Like a Total Badass)
Deep within the cave, you'll find a chamber with a bunch of fancy pillars. Here's where the tablets come in. Slot each tablet into its designated pillar, and... dramatic music swells... Excalibur will rise from the stone! Just like Arthur (except, you know, without all the drama and the questionable lineage).
Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of Excalibur!
Now go forth and cleave your enemies in two with righteous fury (or, you know, use it to open stubborn pickle jars, no judgment here). Remember, with great power comes great responsibility... mostly the responsibility to look really cool while wielding a legendary sword.
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