So You Want to Be Like Arthur, Eh? Your Guide to Snagging Excalibur in Assassin's Creed Valhalla
Ah, Excalibur. The legendary blade, the bane of Saxons, the ultimate lawnmower for pesky Anglo-Saxons. Let's face it, wielding this bad boy is pretty darn cool. But before you go all "King of the Britons" on everyone, you gotta track down the darn thing.
Here's the scoop on how to snag Excalibur and become a mythical-weapon-wielding Viking nightmare:
Step 1: Tablet Treasure Trove
Excalibur's a bit picky. You gotta prove your worth by collecting 11 Mysterious Tablets. The first eight are the Treasures of Britain. Think of them as Excalibur's shopping list: "Must have slaying prowess, excellent parkour skills, and an undying love of leaping off tall things."
Finding these involves some good old-fashioned treasure hunting. Get ready to clamber up rocks, solve environmental puzzles, and dodge booby traps like a champ. Think "Indiana Jones meets Ikea furniture assembly," but way more metal (because Vikings).
Pro Tip: These locations are marked on your map as glowing blue squares. Just follow the neon and try not to get impaled by a rogue chandelier.
Step 2: Zealot Smackdown
The remaining three tablets are held by some right nasty fellas called Zealots. These guys are basically walking murder machines, so be prepared for a fight. They're all over England, so you gotta do some detective work to find them.
Here's the Rundown on these Rejects:
- Woden: This overgrown badger can be found in the swamps of Cent. Just follow the stench of despair and rotting fish.
- Heike: Likes to roam the coast of Eurvicscire. Look for a grumpy Viking with a serious case of sunburn.
- Hrothgar: This brute hangs out in Suthsexe. He blends in surprisingly well with the scenery, so keep an eye out for a particularly large, angry bush.
Step 3: Claiming Your Prize
Once you've got all eleven tablets, high-tail it to Myrddin's Cave in Hamtunscire. Just follow the glowing markers and avoid the grumpy bears guarding the entrance. (Side note: who puts bears outside a legendary sword cave? Rude.)
Inside the cave, you'll face some parkour challenges that would make Ezio blush. But hey, you conquered puzzles and smacked down Zealots, you can handle a little wall-jumping, right?
Finally, you'll reach a giant chamber with twelve pillars. One tablet slot is already filled, courtesy of Merlin himself (the helpful sort, not the moustache-twirling kind). Shove the remaining tablets into their designated slots, and... BAM! Excalibur rises from the stone, ready to do some serious Saxon shanking.
Congratulations! You are now the somewhat-rightful owner of Excalibur! Just remember, with great power comes great responsibility (and a serious case of carpal tunnel from all that sword-swinging).