So You Want Buddies in Your Bullet? A Totally Not-Shady Guide to GTA 5 Carpooling
Los Santos can be a lonely place, especially when you're hurtling down Vinewood Boulevard in a stolen Infernus. Sure, the radio's pumping out some sweet tunes, but wouldn't it be even better to have a shotgun rider to scream "OH LAWD HERE WE GO AGAIN" with when you inevitably T-bone a police cruiser?
Fear not, fellow adventurer! This guide will transform you from a one-man show to a carpool superstar (well, maybe not superstar, but at least a guy with a questionable taste in companions).
The Tourist Trap: How to Snag a Jittery Hitchhiker
Let's be honest, the glamorous life just ain't for everyone. Sometimes you just gotta ditch the sightseeing bus and hitch a ride with a psycho with a penchant for property damage. Here's how to snag yourself a nervous Nellie:
- Hit the dusty trails: Forget the glitz of the city, head for the desolate outskirts. Desperate hitchhikers practically grow like weeds out by the Grand Senora Desert.
- Honk if you're homicidal: A quick honk is the universal signal for "Hey buddy, wanna witness some vehicular mayhem?" Just be prepared for some serious side-eye and possibly a whimper or two.
- The "accidental" bump: If a gentle honk isn't enough, try a not-so-gentle nudge with your car. This is a high-risk, high-reward maneuver. You might end up with a terrified hitchhiker, or facing the wrath of a road-raged trucker. Choose wisely.
Pro Tip: Don't be surprised if your new buddy mysteriously disappears after a particularly harrowing police chase. Hitchhiker loyalty is a fickle thing.
The Unwilling Uber: How to "Borrow" a Passenger (Not Recommended)
This method is a bit more... direct. Let's call it "persuasion through force."
- The yeet and greet: Roll down your passenger window, yank an unsuspecting pedestrian out of their day, and shove them in your car. This approach is guaranteed to get someone's attention, and it's definitely an adrenaline rush (although that feeling might be from your new passenger aiming a pistol at your head).
- The Taxi-From-Hell: Hail a taxi like a normal person, then threaten the driver with a rusty spork when they stop. This is generally a bad idea, and may result in an unpleasant encounter with the Los Santos PD (unless your spork game is truly intimidating).
Important Disclaimer: We at Totally-Not-Shady-Guides take no responsibility for your inevitable hospital bills or incarceration. Stealing cars and kidnapping people might not be the best way to make friends.
The Roommate Alternative: Why Not Just Hire Help?
Look, if you really just want some company, ditch the dramatics and hire a mercenary! Head over to Lester's safehouse and snag yourself a trusty bodyguard. They may judge your taste in music (seriously, who listens to Radio Los Santos?), but at least they won't complain when you use them as a human shield.
In Conclusion:
While the methods above will definitely get you some "companions," let's be real, the best way to make friends in Los Santos is probably the old-fashioned way: bribery. Flash a wad of cash and offer to buy someone a drink at the Cockatoos. Who knows, you might even find someone who enjoys the thrill of a good police chase without the constant threat of being ejected at high speed.