How to TOTALLY (Not Really) Get Verified on Instagram: A Guide for the Gloriously Inauthentic
Let's face it, folks, the blue checkmark on Instagram is the ultimate status symbol. It's like a participation trophy for fame, except way cooler because it comes with a virtual blue tick of approval. But let's be honest, getting verified the legit way is harder than convincing your grandma those Nigerian princes actually need your bank account info.
Fear not, fellow meme lords and selfie queens! This guide will teach you how to fake it 'til you make it (which, by the way, will never actually result in getting verified, but hey, we can dream, right?).
Step 1: Craft a Compellingly Cryptic Bio
Gone are the days of boring bios that list your hometown and your cat's name (Mittens, we see you). Embrace the enigma! Here are some tips:
Tip: Read carefully — skimming skips meaning.
- Emojis are your friends: The more nonsensical, the better. People will be so busy trying to decipher your bio's hidden meaning, they won't even notice the lack of blue checkmark.
- Quotes that vaguely reference something important: "The future is now... and it's full of filters." - Abraham Lincoln (probably)
- Mysterious one-word pronouncements: "Awakened." Deep, right?
Step 2: Befriend the Photoshop Gods (and Maybe Some Bots)
Look, us mere mortals can only dream of Kim Kardashian's selfie perfection. That's where Photoshop comes in, my friends! Airbrush those blemishes away, whiten those teeth, and maybe even add a majestic lion cub by your side. #blessed
Now, about those bots... While I can't exactly recommend them (ahem, Instagram might frown upon it), a surge in followers can't hurt your image of, well, immense popularity. Just remember, quality over quantity, people! A bunch of random usernames with no profile pictures will just scream "inauthentic."
QuickTip: Read line by line if it’s complex.
Step 3: Become a Master of the Humble Brag
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Casually mention you were just hanging out with [insert semi-famous celebrity here], or that your dog's latest Instagram post went viral (#puglife). The key is to act completely nonchalant about your supposed brush with greatness.
Step 4: The Art of the Self-Proclaimed Title
Tip: Reading carefully reduces re-reading.
Doctor? Astronaut? Intergalactic Peace Ambassador? Who says you can't be all three? Slap on a fancy-sounding title in your bio and watch the confusion (and maybe admiration?) roll in.
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| How To Get Verified On Instagram Fake |
Step 5: The All-Important Disclaimer
QuickTip: Check if a section answers your question.
(Because lawyers)
Here's where you gotta be clear: this is all for fun. Don't try to impersonate anyone, and don't spam people. We're just here to have a laugh and maybe, just maybe, confuse a few people along the way.
Remember, the most important thing is to have fun and embrace the absurdity! After all, isn't that what social media is all about anyway? So go forth, my friends, and fake it 'til you make it (or at least until Instagram catches on).
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