How to Get Verified on Instagram in 2023: A Guide for the Gloriously Obscure
Let's face it, folks, the blue checkmark on Instagram is the Holy Grail of social media cred. It's like a participation trophy for fame, but hey, a trophy nonetheless! You know what else it is? Elusive. More elusive than that perfect lighting for a selfie or that one friend who always "accidentally" forgets to pay their half of the bill.
But fear not, aspiring influencer wannabes and cat meme connoisseurs! This guide will be your roadmap to verification glory, or at least provide some serious entertainment along the way.
Step 1: Be Beyonce (or at least pretend to be her equally talented, lesser-known cousin)
Tip: Keep your attention on the main thread.
The Not-So-Secret Sauce of Instagram Fame
- Be Famous: This one's a bit of a no-brainer. You gotta be noteworthy, newsworthy, or at least possess the charisma of a particularly enthusiastic squirrel. Politicians? Check. Pop stars? Double check. Your neighbor who can stack an impressive tower of pancakes? Well, maybe next time.
- Be Infamous: Hey, there's no such thing as bad publicity, right? (Unless you, like, actually rob a bank. Then maybe there is.)
Step 2: Master the Art of The Gram (Because Apparently There's an Art to Posting Pictures)
Tip: Patience makes reading smoother.
Polish Your Profile Until It Shines Brighter Than Kanye's Ego
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- Content is King (or Queen, or They/Them): Apparently, just posting blurry pictures of your breakfast cereal doesn't cut it anymore. Shock, I know. Create high-quality, engaging content that resonates with your audience. Think funny captions, stunning visuals, and stories that make people go, "Whoa, this person is way cooler than me."
- Get Those Followers Flowing: The more followers you have, the more "important" you seem to the Instagram gods (or algorithm, whatever). Run contests, collaborate with other accounts, and maybe even consider befriending your grandma and getting her to follow you. Every little bit helps!
Tip: The details are worth a second look.
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| How To Get Verified On Instagram In 2023 |
Step 3: Don't Be That Guy (or Girl)
QuickTip: A careful read saves time later.
The Verification Blacklist
- Buying Verification: This is a big no-no. Not only will it not work, but it's also about as shady as trying to bribe your way into a Beyonce concert with a bag of stale chips. Just. Don't. Do. It.
- Spamming Like a Crazed Robot: Nobody likes a spammer, and trust me, Instagram doesn't either. Grow your audience organically and focus on quality over quantity.
Step 4: Apply, But Don't Get Weeping Willow Over It (Because Really, Who Needs That Kind of Drama?)
- The Big Ask: Once you feel you've achieved internet semi-fame status, head into your Instagram settings and hit that glorious "Request Verification" button. Fill out the application honestly, and maybe even attach a picture of you holding a participation trophy (because meta humor, obviously).
- The Waiting Game: Now comes the hard part: waiting. It can take weeks, even months, to hear back. In the meantime, channel your inner zen master and maybe take up interpretive dance (because why not?).
Remember, fellow traveler on the road to verification, the journey is just as important as the destination. So keep it fun, keep it real, and who knows, maybe one day you'll be gracing your followers' feeds with that coveted blue checkmark.
P.S. If all else fails, there's always the option of befriending a celebrity and sneaking into their next photo. But that's a story for another time...
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