How to Accidentally (or Purposefully) Share the Joy (Misery) with Your BFF: A Guide to Getting Your Friend Sick (But Maybe Not Really)
Let's face it, sometimes friendships take a turn towards the...well, not-so-wonderful. Maybe they borrowed your favourite shirt (and "forgot" to return it...stained...with something questionable). Maybe they accidentally spilled the beans about your crush. Or, maybe you're just feeling a teensy bit vindictive (we've all been there). Whatever the reason, you're here for one thing: How to get your friend sick.
Hold on there, Dr. Evil! Before you unleash a plague of sniffles and sneezes, let's consider a few things. Getting someone intentionally sick is kind of a jerk move, and karma has a funny way of boomeranging you right back into the land of the sniffles. This guide is more for amusement purposes (and maybe a little petty revenge planning).
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Chapter 1: The Art of the Unsanitary Share
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- Coughing Concerto: The classic! Unleash a dramatic, hacking cough in their general direction. Bonus points for theatrical eye-watering and a mournful "Ugh, I don't feel so good..."
- The Germy Grub Grab: You know that bag of chips you found shoved in the back of the pantry from, like, last month? Share it! Just be prepared for the inevitable "Dude, this chip tastes like sadness!"
- The Questionable Handshake: After "accidentally" touching that questionable substance on the cafeteria floor (mystery meat, anyone?), offer a firm handshake. Maybe even add a little back-pat for good measure.
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| How To Get Your Friend Sick |
Chapter 2: The Power of Proximity
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- Become a Cuddly Koala: Physical closeness is key! Snuggle up extra close during that movie night, drape yourself over them while "helping" them with homework. Personal space? We don't know her!
- The Coughing Choir: Stuck in a crowded elevator? Perfect! Launch into another round of dramatic coughs, encouraging your friend to join in (misery loves company, right?).
- The Sleepover Sniffles: Plan a sleepover! But instead of popcorn and giggles, bring the tissues and decongestants. Bonus points if you convince them it's "totally contagious."
Disclaimer: There's no guarantee any of these tactics will actually get your friend sick. In fact, they might just backfire spectacularly. But hey, laughter is the best medicine (except for actual medicine, of course).
Chapter 3: The Friend-Zones: When Sickness Isn't the Answer
- Communication is Key: Maybe instead of plotting their demise via the common cold, try talking things out. A good friend-to-friend chat can work wonders.
- The Revenge is a Dish Best Served Sweet: If your friend's transgression warrants a little payback, play a harmless prank instead. Whoopee cushion on their chair? Classic.
- Offer Support (Even if Grudgingly): Look, if your friend genuinely is sick, be a good friend and offer some support (even if you're secretly hoping their cough syrup tastes like disappointment).
Remember, a true friend is a friend through thick and thin, even a hacking cough and a suspicious-looking rash. So next time you're feeling vengeful, take a deep breath, and maybe reach for a funny movie instead of a petri dish.
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