So You Want to Ditch Your Stocks? A (Mostly) Hilarious Guide to Selling on Fidelity
Let's face it, picking winning stocks is like trying to predict your cat's next hairball incident - mostly luck and a whole lot of hoping for the best. But hey, that's the thrill of investing, right? Except, maybe the thrill has worn off, and now you're staring at a stock portfolio that resembles a deflated souffle. Fear not, intrepid seller, because this guide will turn you from a stock market dunce to a divestiture dynamo (with a side of laughter).
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| How To Sell Shares With Fidelity |
Step 1: Accepting Defeat (with Dignity)
First things first, acknowledge your, ahem, strategic investment choices. Denial's a powerful drug, but it won't pay the bills. Boldly admit you might not be the next Warren Buffett and move on. Consider this a learning experience, like that time you swore you could totally rock a neon green unitard. We all make mistakes, honey. Just don't tell your spouse.
Tip: Break it down — section by section.
Step 2: Log into the Fidelity Batcave (or Website)
Fidelity's website might not be the Batcave, but it is your financial command center. Gear up with your login info and a strong cup of coffee (because, let's be honest, selling stock can be emotionally draining).
Tip: Each paragraph has one main idea — find it.
Step 3: The Great Sell Button Hunt
Welcome to the glorious world of online investing interfaces! Fidelity's is no different - a labyrinth of menus and buttons waiting to be explored. Don't worry, you're not lost (probably). Just navigate your way to the "Trade" section, because that's where the magic happens (or, you know, the selling).
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Step 4: "Sell" Yeah, Sell It Like It's Hot!
QuickTip: Reflect before moving to the next part.
There it is, the glorious button - "Sell." Click it with the same gusto you'd use to hit the snooze button for the tenth time. Now, you'll be presented with a variety of options that might make your head spin faster than a sugar-high toddler. Don't fret, we'll break it down.
- Number of Shares: How many of those bad boys are you ditching? Be ruthless (or strategic, whatever floats your boat).
- Order Type: This is where things get fancy. There's "market order" which means "sell it ASAP, no questions asked!" and "limit order" which is like saying, "I only want to sell if the price hits a certain point." Choose your weapon wisely, grasshopper.
Step 5: Review and Blast Off!
Tip: Reread sections you didn’t fully grasp.
Double-check everything looks good - number of shares, order type, the escape route you planned in case the market crashes (kidding... mostly). Then, with a deep breath and a silent prayer to the investment gods, hit that submit button. You've officially offloaded those stocks! High five yourself, because even if you lost money, you at least gained valuable comedic material for your next social gathering.
Bonus Tip: Commemorate the occasion! Treat yourself to something nice (within reason, you just sold your stocks remember?) Maybe a new book on investing strategies (because clearly, you need some brushing up).
Remember: Selling stocks isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes it's the smartest move you can make. And hey, if all else fails, you can always blame the dog ate your investment plan. Just kidding (kind of).
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