The War on Snuggle Walruses: A Guide to Laundering Your Walmart Body Pillow
Ah, the trusty Walmart body pillow. Your confidante at 3 am, cuddle buddy during marathons of questionable reality TV, and maybe even a makeshift weapon during particularly epic pillow fights (we've all been there). But let's be honest, after a while, your snuggle walrus starts to resemble less of a cuddly companion and more of a dust bunny convention. Fear not, weary warrior! This guide will equip you with the knowledge to wage war on grime and restore your beloved body pillow to its former glory.
Step 1: Assess Your Aquatic Mammal
First things first, crack open that detective eye. Is your body pillow a luxurious microplush masterpiece, or a more, ahem, "basic" polyester friend? This is crucial, because washing a silk pillow like you would a microfiber monstrosity will result in a disaster of epic proportions (think deflated dreams and a very sad wallet).
- Microfiber Marvels: These champions can usually take a beating (read: washing machine) like nobody's business.
- Fierce Polyester Fighters: These might require a more gentle hand-washing approach.
Step 2: Decontamination Station
Alright, Sherlock, now that you've identified your pillow's breed, it's time to prep for battle. Here's your arsenal:
- Laundry Detergent: Gentle on the pillow, tough on grime. Skip the harsh stuff!
- Washing Machine (Optional): Only for the microfiber warriors.
- Bathtub (For Polyester Paladins): Fill 'er up with lukewarm water, soldier!
- Soft Brush (Optional): Great for stubborn stains, but be gentle! We don't want to anger the cuddle monster.
- Tennis Balls (For Machine Washing): These aren't just for playtime anymore. They help fluff up your pillow during drying.
Step 3: Operation: Squeaky Clean
Microfiber Missionaries:
- Toss your warrior into the washing machine on a gentle cycle. Cold or warm water is your friend.
- Add your gentle detergent. Don't go overboard!
- Chuck in a couple of tennis balls for good measure.
- Hit that magical "start" button and let the machine do its work.
Polyester Protectors:
- Fill your bathtub with lukewarm water and add a touch of your gentle detergent.
- Submerge your pillow and gently knead it to release any trapped dirt or dust bunnies.
- For stubborn stains, use the soft brush in a gentle circular motion. Remember, we want to clean, not create holes!
- Drain the tub and rinse the pillow thoroughly until the water runs clear.
Step 4: The Drying Dilemma
Microfiber Masters:
- Take your freshly washed warrior and toss it back into the dryer.
- Use low heat and those trusty tennis balls again.
- Fluff it up periodically to ensure even drying.
Polyester Protectors:
- Gently squeeze out excess water from your pillow, but don't wring it!
- Lay it flat on a drying rack or clean towel.
- Fluff it up regularly and avoid direct sunlight.
Step 5: The Grand Re-Snuggle
Once your body pillow is completely dry, give it a big ol' hug and celebrate your victory! You've successfully vanquished the grime and restored your cuddle companion to its former glory. Now get back to your regularly scheduled snuggling and remember, a clean body pillow is a happy body pillow (and a happy you).
