How the Heck Can Texas Still Claw Its Way into the College Football Playoff? A Totally Serious Guide (with Tongue Firmly in Cheek)
Alright, Texas fans. It's that time of year again. Your team is looking good, maybe even a little too good for your own sanity. You're staring down the barrel of a Big 12 title win, but that College Football Playoff spot feels about as likely as encountering a herd of unicorns on I-35. But fear not, my fellow burnt-orange brethren! Because we're here to explore the glorious, improbable, and possibly tequila-fueled scenarios that could land the Longhorns in the playoff picture.
Scenario 1: The Great Lobster Roll Uprising
First, we need a little chaos in the conferences we don't control. Picture this: Michigan, fresh off a Big Ten championship win over Iowa (because let's face it, that's about as likely as a wolverine wearing khakis), decides to celebrate with a victory lobster roll. Unfortunately, the crustacean gods are not pleased. Food poisoning rips through the Wolverines like a rogue tumbleweed, leaving them gasping for Pepto-Bismol and completely ineligible for the playoffs.
But wait, there's more! Down in the ACC, Florida State's chances get flushed faster than a rogue Seminole fan trying to sneak into a Texas tailgate with a cooler full of Coors Light. Enter Louisville, the underdog with a chip on their shoulder and a hankering for revenge against that pesky weather vane. They upset the Seminoles in the ACC championship, leaving the door wide open for...well, you get the picture.
Scenario 2: The Crimson Tide Takes a Siesta
Alright, this one's a long shot, but hey, we're talking miracles here, right? Alabama, the college football equivalent of a five-course meal of fried everything, decides to take a nap in the SEC championship game against Georgia. Maybe Nick Saban gets a hankering for some moon pies and forgets the whole thing. Maybe Bryce Young gets spooked by a rogue Stetson Bennett mustache. Whatever the reason, the unthinkable happens: Alabama loses. Suddenly, the CFP selection committee is faced with a conundrum: two SEC teams, or a wide-open Big 12 champion with a resume that whispers sweet nothings about strength of schedule?
Scenario 3: Texas Wins the Playoff by Sheer Force of Will (and Possibly BBQ)
Let's be honest, this is the most Texas thing to happen. We bypass the whole committee drama altogether. The Longhorns win the Big 12 title in a game so dominant, so utterly Texas-sized, that the College Football Playoff committee is too intimidated to deny them a spot. They show up to the playoff game, armed with a truckload of brisket and enough Whataburger honey butter chicken biscuits to feed a small army. Sheer force of personality and possibly the most epic pre-game tailgate in CFP history propels them to victory.
The Odds Are Slim, But the Hope is Real
Look, folks, the path to the playoffs for Texas is about as clear as a bowl of chili after a Longhorn win. But hey, that's what makes college football so much fun, right? We get to dream the impossible dream, craft outlandish scenarios fueled by equal parts hope and desperation. So fire up the grill, grab another Shiner Bock, and hold onto those dreams. Because in the wacky world of college football, even the wildest scenarios have a habit of coming true.
P.S. Don't forget to send some good vibes (and maybe a plate of breakfast tacos) to Louisville and whoever ends up facing Alabama. We might just need all the help we can get.
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