So You Wanna Live in a NYC Palace (aka Shelter Hacks for theHilarious (and Homeless))
Alright listen up, fellas (and ladies, and non-binary pals). Fresh off the bus from Bum-Ville and need a crash pad that doesn't involve sleeping next to a friendly pigeon named Steve? Well, fret no more! This guide will turn you from sidewalk snoozer to shelter dweller faster than you can say "free cot."
Step 1: Embrace Your Inner Singlehood (at Least for Now)
Now, before you Romeo and Juliets out there start getting all misty-eyed, NYC shelters have a "single and ready to mingle with the system" kind of vibe. Couples with a "we'll be together forever... or until the next rent hike" thing going on gotta go separate ways (for now). But hey, at least you won't have to hear your significant other snoring like a malfunctioning foghorn. Think of it as a romantic getaway... to a place with slightly less romance and slightly more mystery meat casserole.
Step 2: Channel Your Inner Fashionista (Shelter Edition)
Forget that Gucci bag and those Yeezys, we're talking survival of the fittest (fashion-wise). Pack light, but pack smart. Think comfy clothes that can withstand minor soup spills (because let's be honest, there will be soup spills) and shoes that can outrun a rogue pigeon (because let's be honest, there will be rogue pigeons). Deodorant is a plus, but if all you have is that half-empty bottle of Calvin Klein Euphoria, well, that'll probably just confuse everyone.
Step 3: Be Prepared to Answer the Age-Old Question: "Intake or Outtake?"
No, this isn't some existential crisis. Intake is where you check in, hungry and homeless. Outtake is where you check out, hopefully housed and slightly less hangry. Just head to the right spot – there are different shelters for single men, single women, and families with kids. Pro Tip: If you're unsure, ask nicely. The folks working there see this all the time, and they're there to help (and because, let's face it, sometimes a little confusion is hilarious).
Step 4: Embrace the Adventure (and Maybe Bring a Deck of Cards)
Shelter life ain't the Ritz-Carlton, but hey, it's a roof over your head and (hopefully) a warm bed. There will be characters, there will be stories, and there will be moments that make you want to say, "Well, that escalated quickly." But that's all part of the adventure, right? Think of it as reality T.V. starring you, with slightly less drama (and slightly less attractive housemates).
Remember: This is a temporary situation. Use the resources available, ask for help when you need it, and keep your chin up. Before you know it, you'll be out there conquering the concrete jungle with a roof over your head and a newfound appreciation for a decent night's sleep.
And hey, if all else fails, at least you'll have a killer story to tell at your next fancy dinner party (once you get that fancy apartment, of course). Just be sure to leave out the part about Steve the pigeon.
💡 This page may contain affiliate links — we may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.
