How Does Texas Lasso a Spot in the College Football Playoffs? A Guide for the Bewildered and the Burnt Orange Bleached
Ah, Texas football in the College Football Playoffs. A phrase as sweet as sweet tea on a scorching Austin afternoon, and about as frequent. But fear not, fellow burnt orange believers, for this year could be different! Here's your roadmap to Texas hoisting the coveted golden football trophy (or whatever they give out these days).
Step 1: Channel Your Inner Bevo and Dominate the Conference
First things first, gotta win the Big 12, or whatever fancy new conference they cooked up by now. Dominate is the operative word here. We're talking blowouts, pick-sixes, and enough defensive touchdowns to make Gary Patterson shed a tear (of joy, probably). Remember that time Colt McCoy ran for a touchdown? Yeah, we need more of that.
Pro Tip: Be extra cautious against Oklahoma. Those Sooners have a knack for pulling upsets out of their crimson behinds.
Step 2: Impress the Selection Committee (Those Mysterious Beings)
These folks are like the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter, but instead of houses, they decide who gets to play for the national championship. So, how do we impress them? Here's a cheat sheet:
- Strength of Schedule: Play some heavy hitters early. Those close wins against cupcakes won't cut it.
- Style Points: Don't just win, win spectacularly. Think Heisman-worthy throws, acrobatic catches, and trick plays that would make Bill Belichick do a spit take (doubtful, but a man can dream).
- Don't Lose: This one seems obvious, but you'd be surprised how many teams forget this crucial step.
Bonus Points: If the committee needs a tiebreaker, having a mascot who's basically a giant longhorn steer definitely can't hurt.
Step 3: The Big 12 Championship: Hold On to Your Stetsons!
This is where it all goes down. Win this game, and you're practically guaranteed a playoff spot (unless, you know, another team has a better record and the committee feels spicy). Just remember, nerves of steel and a whole lot of hook 'em horns energy are required.
Pro Tip 2: Practice your victory speech. Trust me, you'll want to be prepared when confetti rains down and the entire state of Texas erupts in celebration.
Step 4: The Playoffs: Time to Prove You're the Real Deal
Alright, you made it! Now comes the real test: facing the best of the best. Buckle up, buttercup, because these games will be heart-stopping, nail-biting affairs. But hey, with the right amount of Texas swagger and a whole lot of burnt orange pride, who knows? Maybe this year will be the year the Longhorns finally reign supreme!
Remember: There will be doubters, there will be close calls, but fear not! Just channel your inner Ricky Williams, pull on your metaphorical chaps, and ride that metaphorical bull all the way to the championship!
