The Hunger Games: A Guide to Conquering the Subway Platter
Ah, the Subway Platter. A glorious sight to behold, a smorgasbord of foot-long delights, promising to satiate your famished crew. But before you dive headfirst into that sea of bread and cold cuts, a crucial question arises: How many warriors will this monstrous meal conquer? Fear not, fellow food adventurer, for I shall be your guide through this labyrinth of hunger!
Appetites Assemble!
First, consider the appetite army you're facing. Are you wrangling a pack of ravenous teenagers, fresh from a soccer game? Bold those sandwiches, my friend! Or perhaps you're gathering for a more civilized brunch with colleagues (though who says a sub can't be fancy?). In that case, a more measured approach might be wise.
Here's a handy breakdown to get you started:
- The Humble Horde (5-7 warriors): A single platter should suffice, but watch out for that one friend with an unexplained bottomless pit for a stomach. You might need to distract them with a particularly intriguing napkin design.
- The Midday Melee (8-10 warriors): One platter? Maybe. Two platters? Now you're talking! This is where things get interesting. Do you play it safe? Or tempt fate with a single, monstrous platter and a side of chips? Just remember, a rumbling stomach knows no shame.
- The Calorie Crusaders (11+ warriors): Multiple platters are a must. Consider adding some fresh veggies and fruit to this battle royale. A well-balanced army fights better!
Beware the Bread-Based Beasts!
But wait, there's more! Not all platters are created equal. The Footlong Foot Soldiers pack a serious punch, while their Six-Inch Squires offer a more measured approach. Also, factor in the bread-to-flesh ratio. A veggie-heavy platter might leave your meat-loving comrades feeling a little... peckish.
Pro Tip: Channel your inner strategist. Will a mix of meaty and veggie options appease the troops? Do you need to deploy a decoy platter of cookies to distract the sugar fiends?
Remember, knowledge is power (and so is a well-stocked fridge in case of underestimation).
Conquering the Conquest
With careful planning and a dash of humor, you can conquer the Subway Platter and emerge victorious. May your sandwiches be plentiful, your vegetables crisp, and your cookies plentiful. And if all else fails, there's always the option of a post-battle victory lap through the drive-thru. Just sayin'.
