NYC This Weekend: Dodge the Bullets or Grab a Bagel?
Ah, New York City. The city that never sleeps... unless you're rudely awakened by the comforting sounds of distant gunfire. Look, nobody wants to sugarcoat it, but this past weekend in the Big Apple had more lead flying than a first-class game of skeet shooting.
So, How Many Bullets Did We Dodge?
Reports say a whopping 21 people got tangled up with stray bullets between dodgeball matches in the park and brunch with mimosas. That's right, folks, enough shootings to make even your grandma clutch her pearls and question her decision to visit.
But hey, at least it wasn't a record breaker, right? We can all raise a glass of artisanal kombucha to that!
Where Was All the Action?
Everywhere and nowhere, my friend. This wasn't a targeted attack on, say, lovers of deep-dish pizza (Chicago, we feel your pain). Nope, these shootings were scattered around the city like pigeons searching for an overpriced croissant.
Tompkins Square Park saw a delightful display of gunfire in broad daylight, proving that even our leafy havens aren't immune to the occasional lead shower.
The Bronx continued its long-standing tradition of keeping things spicy, while Brooklyn offered a complimentary soundtrack of sirens to accompany your artisanal coffee.
Look, We're Still a Great City (Mostly)
Let's not get carried away here. NYC is still a fantastic place. You've got world-class museums, enough pizza to feed a small army, and hot dog stands that defy all culinary logic (yet somehow taste delicious).
Just maybe keep an extra-attentive ear out for that distinct "pop-pop-pop" sound, and remember, running in zig-zags is generally considered more effective than playing dead when dodging bullets.
Here's to hoping for a quieter weekend, New Yorkers! But hey, if the shooting starts, at least you know the bagels will still be fresh.
