Hold My Juicy Fruit: A Totally Unofficial Body Count of the Uvalde Debacle
Okay, look, nobody wants to be counting bodies, especially when those bodies are bright-eyed, fourth-graders with dreams of becoming astronauts and TikTok stars. But since we're here, let's talk about the Uvalde shooting, because apparently, some folks need a refresher.
The Body Count, Because Apparently We Needed a Tally
The Not-So-Fun Facts, But Facts Nonetheless
- 21 beautiful souls snuffed out: This includes 19 amazing children who were just trying to learn their long division (because let's be honest, fractions are a nightmare for everyone) and two dedicated teachers who went above and beyond the call of duty (which, FYI, shouldn't involve becoming human shields).
A Toast to the Survivors (Because We Celebrate Life Here)
- Thankfully, 17 others weren't part of the final roll call: This includes some brave students, a teacher who definitely deserves a raise, the shooter's grandma (who probably needs a hug and a long vacation), and a couple of police officers who, well, let's just say their response is a whole other can of worms (we'll get to that later).
Why We Should Remember This Body Count (and Fight Like Heck to Make Sure It Never Happens Again)
This isn't some morbid math quiz. These numbers represent lives cut short, families shattered, and a community forever scarred. We remember them because we shouldn't have to write this post in the first place. We remember them because something has to change.
Look, I'm not here to be a Debbie Downer, but this shouldn't be a one-time headline. We need action, not just another body count.
