Howdy, Partners! Let's NOT Play Cowboy Math: A Guide to Texas Shootings (Because Math is Hard, and Shootings are Worse)
Texas. Land of wide-open spaces, ten-gallon hats, and...unfortunately, a whole lot of headlines about shootings. Now, before you start thinking I'm some fancy math whiz here to unpack body counts like it's a rodeo competition, hold your horses (or should I say, six-shooters?).
This ain't about glorifying these terrible events with numbers. We all know shootings are a darn shame, and every life lost is a heartbreaking tally mark on the soul of this state.
But sometimes, you just gotta stare the facts in the face...with a healthy dose of humor to keep from crying into your Lone Star beer (hold the tears, extra limes please).
Why Can't We Just Mow Lawns and Eat Barbecue in Peace?
So, why all the shootin' tootin' in the first place? Well, that's a whole other can of worms (and rattlesnakes, if we're being honest). But the point is, these incidents are way too frequent, and the numbers we're talkin' about are enough to make a steer faint dead away.
Here's the grim truth (with a sprinkle of "yeehaw" for flavor):
- The Uvalde school shooting in May 2022, bless their little hearts, took the lives of 19 innocent children and 2 adults. Enough to turn a bluebonnet field into a tear garden.
- Then there was the El Paso Walmart massacre in 2019. Shoppin' for groceries shouldn't involve dodgin' bullets, you know? 23 people lost their lives in that mess.
These are just a couple of the headliners, folks. There have been plenty more, each one a tragedy etched in the memory of this state.
Look, We Get It. Texans Love Their Guns.
Listen, I ain't here to judge a man's holster size (or lack thereof). The Second Amendment's the Second Amendment, and all that. But maybe, just maybe, we can all agree that using said firearms to settle disputes or channel our inner Clint Eastwood is a tad excessive?
Here's a crazy idea: Let's focus on the things that make Texas great, like rodeos, chili cook-offs, and debates about whether Whataburger or In-N-Out reigns supreme.
Because when it comes to shootings, the only math we should be doin' is figuring out how many fewer there can be.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go practice my two-step. But you bet your chaps I'll be keepin' an eye out for solutions, 'cause this whole shootin' business is gettin' downright un-Texan.
