The Hunger Games: A Guide to Conquering Costco's Gigantic Pizza
Let's face it, folks. Costco pizza is a national treasure. A behemoth of cheesy, saucy goodness that beckons to us from the depths of the food court. But when it comes to ordering, there's a crucial question that haunts us all: How much pizza is TOO much pizza?
Fear not, carb-loving comrades! This guide will equip you with the knowledge to navigate the treacherous waters of Costco pizza portion control, all while maintaining your dignity (and avoiding a pizza-induced coma).
Step 1: Assessing Your Appetizer Army
First things first, headcount! Are you feeding a family of five or a small militia?
- Solo Squad: One pizza might be a glorious adventure, but leftovers are your best friend (and maybe your worst enemy the next day at work).
- Double Date Debacle: Two pizzas should suffice, unless your date has the appetite of a yeti. In that case, maybe rethink your dating strategy.
- Party People: This is where things get dicey. Here's the golden rule: It's always better to have too much pizza than not enough. Leftovers are party favors, people!
Step 2: The Slice Showdown
Costco pizzas are legendary for their size. We're talking 18 inches of doughy deliciousness, folks. But how many slices that translates to depends on your slice style:
- The Traditionalist: The classic 12-slice cut will feed most folks just fine.
- The Deep Dish Destroyer: Costco offers an 18-slice option for those who like their pizza thicc and their slices narrow. Just be warned, this might require industrial-strength stretchy pants afterwards.
Step 3: Consider the Calorie Cavalry
Costco pizza is amazing, but it's no health salad. Be mindful of your guests' dietary needs (or lack thereof).
- Light Eaters: If you're surrounded by nibblers, you might get away with fewer pizzas.
- Teenage Terrorists: Teenagers are bottomless pits disguised as humans. Order accordingly.
Step 4: The Art of the Halfsies
Can't decide between cheese and pepperoni? Embrace the glorious half-and-half! It's a beautiful compromise that keeps everyone happy (except maybe the pineapple-loving weirdos, but that's a battle for another day).
Remember, when in doubt, order more pizza! Leftovers are a gift, and who doesn't love cold pizza for breakfast? Just don't blame me when you end up rolling yourself out of Costco like a human dough ball.
