The Case of the Sleepy Suspect: How LAPD Nabbed a Not-So-Bright Night Owl
Los Angeles, the City of Angels... and apparently, one particularly trigger-happy night owl. A recent string of murders had the city on edge, with four men killed in a span of days. But fear not, fellow Angelenos, for the LAPD's finest were on the case! Buckle up, because this story is equal parts tragic and, well, let's just say the perp wasn't exactly Einstein.
From Skid Row to Beverly Hills: A Killer with a Crappy Commute
The victims? A mix. Three were homeless men, sadly another statistic in a city grappling with homelessness. The fourth, a county employee – wrong place, wrong time situation. The LAPD initially had their hands full: chasing shadows and grasping at straws. But then, a glimmer of hope (and a good chuckle at the station): a dashcam recording from a seemingly unrelated robbery in Beverly Hills.
Enter the Keystone Kops (with Slightly Better Cars): LAPD Spots a Sleepy Driver
Here's where things get interesting. The Beverly Hills PD nabs a fellow for a follow-home robbery (seriously, that's a thing people still do?). This guy, let's call him "Snoozy," looked about as dangerous as a basset hound after a Thanksgiving dinner. But hey, procedure is procedure, so they book him. Then, during a routine check of his car (because apparently Snoozy wasn't the most hygienic dude), they find a smoking gun (literally, a gun with fingerprints).
The Dots Connect, and the Sleepy Suspect is Toast
Now, this is where the LAPD detectives deserve a raise (and maybe a nap – investigating murders is tiring work). They recognize the gun! It's a match to the one used in the homeless killings! And guess what? The car Snoozy was driving? Yep, that same car was spotted near all the crime scenes. Case closed! Except for the part where Snoozy probably wouldn't have recognized a clue if it bit him on the – well, you get the idea.
Moral of the Story? Don't Be a Sleepy Serial Killer (and Maybe Invest in an Uber)
So, folks, the takeaway here is two-fold. First, our deepest condolences to the families of the victims. Second, if you're planning on embarking on a murderous rampage, maybe lay off the Ambien beforehand. And seriously, a little ride-sharing goes a long way in avoiding unwanted attention from the LAPD.
