So You Want to Be an NFL Chain Crew Superstar (Without Getting Trampled By Linebackers)?
Ah, the glamorous life of an NFL chain crew member. You stand ten yards from the action, holding a giant metal measuring tape disguised as high-fashion poles. Millions watch you on TV, players bellow in your ear, and referees bark cryptic instructions. It's basically like running a high-pressure haberdashery on the sidelines, with a dash of gladiatorial combat thrown in for good measure.
Intrigued? Well, hold your horses (or in this case, zebra flags) because becoming an NFL chain crew member isn't exactly about walking into an interview and saying, "Sure, I can handle a ten-yard metal beast and a bunch of sweaty athletes." There's more to it than meets the eye, folks.
Step 1: Ditch the "Hey, Nice Chain!" Pickup Lines
First things first, forget about charming your way onto the crew with cheesy pick-up lines about the chain. NFL teams look for experience, not cheesy charisma. Here's the real deal:
- Experience is King (or Queen): Most NFL chain crews are staffed by folks who've already paid their dues officiating high school or college games. You gotta hone your skills in the trenches (figuratively, please) before they let you near the big boys.
- Know the Lingo Like a Boss: It's not enough to just yell "First Down!" You need to understand the complex language of flags, whistles, and referee hand signals. Think of it as learning a whole new dialect of grunts and shouts.
Step 2: Befriend Your Local Zebra Herd (Officially Known as Referees)
Networking is key. Get to know the referees in your area. They're the gatekeepers to the glorious chain crew life. But a word of caution: Don't be that annoying guy who follows them around badgering them about chain duty. Subtlety is your friend here.
Pro Tip: Offer to wash their zebra-striped shirts. Everyone appreciates a helping hand (or paw, depending on the mascot).
Step 3: Channel Your Inner Ninja (with a Side of Thick Skin)
Being on the chain crew is no walk in the park. You gotta be sharp. You gotta be fast. And most importantly, you gotta be able to dodge rogue footballs and overzealous linemen like a well-oiled ninja.
Here are some essential skills:
- Footwork: Imagine a game of hopscotch on a live minefield. That's basically what you're signing up for.
- Thick Skin: Let's face it, you're gonna get yelled at by players, coaches, and even the occasional disgruntled fan. Learn to let it roll off your back like butter on a hot griddle.
Step 4: Embrace the Chain Gang Camaraderie
The chain crew is a team, a brotherhood (or sisterhood) forged in the fires of ten-yard measurements and questionable calls. You'll be working alongside these folks week in and week out, so having a good sense of humor and a positive attitude is a must.
Basically, become the Michael Jordan of chain handling, the Beyonce of box displaying, and you might just have a shot at NFL chain crew glory.
Remember, the road to becoming an NFL chain crew member is long and arduous. But for those with the right skills, the thickest of skins, and a genuine love of the game, it's a dream job that comes with a side of adrenaline and a whole lot of sideline swagger.