So Your Subway Sandwich Went "AWRY": A Guide to Hilarious Complaint Crafting
Let's face it, sometimes that "Eat Fresh" motto takes a detour to "Eat Frustrated." Maybe your Veggie Delight mysteriously sprouted ham, or the "meat waterfall" you requested resulted in a single, sad pepperoni. Fear not, hangry warriors! Here's your guide to crafting a complaint that'll have Subway scrambling to redeem themselves (and maybe even get you a free cookie).
Step 1: Assess the "Subway Sadness"
- The Great Ingredient Escape: Did your carefully chosen toppings perform a Houdini act, leaving your sub naked? Pro Tip: Describe the escapees with flair! "My valiant attempt at a Steak & Cheese was foiled by the cowardly cheese, who vanished before my eyes!"
- The MIA Meat: Did your "turkey sub" resemble a sad, lonely lettuce wrap? Challenge Accepted: Channel your inner Shakespeare and lament, "Wherefore art thou, turkey? Didst thou get lost amongst the olives of Mount Vesuvius?"
Step 2: Craft Your Culinary Critique
Here's the key: Don't be a hangry troll. Infuse your complaint with humor!
- Open with a relatable anecdote: "You know that feeling when you're starving and envision a foot-long masterpiece overflowing with deliciousness? Yeah, that dream died a tragic death today at your [store location] location."
- Highlight the specifics (with humor): "My Italian B.M.T. resembled a deconstructed salad more than a sandwich. The meatballs seemed to be practicing social distancing, and the marinara sauce was drier than a comedian's flop sweat."
Step 3: The Art of the Ask
Don't just vent! End with a clear request, but keep it light.
- "Perhaps a refresher course on 'sandwich architecture' is in order for your staff?"
- "In the spirit of 'freshness,' how about a free sub that actually resembles the pictures (you know, the ones with a reasonable amount of meat)?"
Bonus Round: Social Media Shenanigans
Feeling bold? Take your complaint to Twitter or Facebook!
- Post a dramatic picture of your "disassembled" sub with a funny caption.
- Tag Subway in your post, but keep the tone lighthearted.
Remember, the goal is to get a resolution, not to burn bridges (or at least, not all the bridges... maybe leave the tuna sub bridge intact).
By following these steps, you can turn your Subway sadness into a hilarious complaint that gets results (and maybe even a chuckle from the Subway customer service team). After all, laughter (and maybe a free sub) is the best medicine!
