Tired of Getting Thumped in the Lands Between? A Guide to Not Being Elden Ring's Punching Bag (Unless You're Into That)
Let's face it, Tarnished. Stepping into Elden Ring is like joining a mosh pit at a death metal concert, except everyone's out for your blood (and probably your runes). You try dodging that giant sword, only to get clipped by a goblin with a rotten banana peel. Blocking feels pointless, and the only thing countering seems to be your sanity. Fear not, fellow adventurer! This guide will turn you from Elden Ring's plaything into a parry-happy badass.
The Noble Art of Blocking (Without Looking Like a Wuss)
Let's be real, blocking is the gaming equivalent of turtling. But here's the secret: a good block can be a beautiful thing. It's the defiant "Nope!" in the face of pointy death. Elden Ring, however, throws a wrench in this glorious tradition. Blocking eats through your stamina faster than a gremlin discovering a buffet.
Here's the key: meet fire with fire (well, a well-timed heavy attack). This magical maneuver, known as a guard counter, lets you smack the enemy right back after they bounce off your shield. It's like a cosmic "thanks for the free lunch" after someone tries to mug you. Think of it as a high five... with a giant sword. Just remember, timing is crucial. Block too early and you whiff like a sad air guitar solo. Too late, and you'll be back to square one (or worse, six feet under).
Bonus Tip: Not all shields are created equal. For maximum counter-attacking goodness, grab a shield with high guard boost. This lets you soak up more punishment before your stamina cries uncle.
The Dodge Dance: Not Just for the Fashion Show
Dodging in Elden Ring feels more like ballet than brute force. You're not dodging an attack, you're waltzing with oblivion. Mastering the dodge is key to becoming an untouchable phantom. Here's the thing: don't dodge away. Rolling directly into the attack (think Neo dodging bullets in the Matrix) lets you get behind the enemy for a sweet backstab. It's a risky move, but the payoff is both stylish and devastating.
Remember: Practice makes perfect. Find a lonely troll or some other unsuspecting critter and become their personal dodge-master.
Learn Your Enemy's Moves Like They Owe You Rent
This might sound obvious, but it's surprising how many Tarnished forget this crucial step. Every enemy in Elden Ring has a tell. That hulking monstrosity winds up its arm before a slam? Time to dodge. That skinny mage starts muttering? Block that magic missile coming your way. Become a master observer. Learn the enemy's rhythm, their attack patterns. This way, you'll know exactly when to unleash your counter or dodge with the grace of a gazelle.
Pro-Tip: Don't be greedy! Get in a hit or two, then dodge or block again. Patience is a virtue, especially when facing a giant fire-breathing dragon.
Conclusion: From Punching Bag to Parry Party
Elden Ring might try to turn you into its personal punching bag, but with a little practice and these tips, you'll be the one dishing out the punishment. Remember, Tarnished: true strength comes from a combination of defense and offense. So go forth, parry those attacks, dodge with flair, and become the legend the Lands Between deserve (or fear, depending on your playstyle). Just try not to lose your runes in the process.
