Don't Be a Flooded Fish: The Essential Guide to Getting Ellie Across the Subway Swamp
So you're in the grimy underbelly of the city, navigating a subway that looks like it lost a fight with Poseidon himself. And there's Ellie, your plucky companion, staring longingly at the other side... because apparently, she hasn't unlocked the "swimming" skill in her skill tree. Fear not, fellow adventurer, for I, your friendly neighborhood guide (who may or may not have gotten soaked a few times himself), am here to help!
Step 1: Embrace Your Inner Dolphin (…Maybe Not)
First things first, forget about grand romantic gestures of wading through the murky depths and carrying Ellie piggyback. You'll just end up looking like a drowned rat and achieve absolutely nothing (except maybe attracting some unwelcome sewer-dwelling friends). Ellie ain't helpless, remember? She's got grit and she's got brains. We just need to provide her with the tools to conquer this aquatic obstacle course.
Step 2: Become a Master Scavenger (Without Getting Eaten)
Now, cast your gaze around this watery wonderland. See that suspiciously buoyant piece of wood bobbing over there? That, my friend, is your key to success. Navigate your way around the submerged shopping carts and rusty poles (seriously, who throws shopping carts in a subway flood?) and snag that bad boy. Think of yourself as Indiana Jones, but with less snakes and a higher chance of encountering soggy socks.
Step 3: Operation Plank Ferry (Ellie Doesn't Need to Know the Code Name)
With your newfound wooden treasure in tow, carefully swim it back to Ellie. Don't be that guy who gets halfway across and then loses his grip, leaving Ellie stranded with a giant "thanks a lot" look on her face. Trust me, that look can pierce even the thickest post-apocalyptic armor.
Pro Tip: If you're feeling fancy, you can even christen your makeshift ferry with a dramatic flourish. Just be prepared for Ellie's inevitable eye roll.
Step 4: Behold! The Power of Teamwork!
Now comes the glorious part where Ellie uses her fancy (and probably dry) shoes to hop across your personal wooden bridge to freedom. She might even throw you a grateful nod, or maybe just a gruff "good job." Either way, pat yourself on the back, you magnificent water-navigating genius!
Remember, teamwork makes the dream work (and keeps you from becoming another subway-dwelling ghost).
Bonus Round: How NOT to Get Ellie Across the Water
- Trying to build a raft out of soggy newspapers. It'll just disintegrate faster than your dignity.
- Yelling inspirational speeches about conquering your fears. Ellie appreciates action, not motivational quotes (especially when she's cold and wet).
- Asking a random, possibly mutated, sewer creature for help. Just...don't. Trust me.
There you have it, folks! With a little ingenuity and maybe a dash of luck, you'll be out of that flooded subway in no time, leaving nothing behind but the echoes of Ellie's relieved sighs and the faint scent of questionable subway water.
