Become a Jedi Master of MLB The Show 23: Pitch-Reading for Mere Mortals (and Us Humorless Folks)
Ah, pitch recognition in MLB The Show 23. It's a right mystical art form, separating the Joey Batts who flail at everything from the Mike Trouts who launch bombs into the stratosphere. Fear not, aspiring sluggers! Here's your hilarious guide (with a smidge of actual advice) to deciphering those devilish pitches.
Step 1: Embrace the Inner Sherlock Holmes
First things first, channel your inner detective. Every pitcher has tells, quirks in their delivery that scream "fastball incoming!" or "Uh oh, that ain't goin' straight!" Here's where the fun begins:
- The Grunt Whisperer: Listen closely. Does the pitcher grunt like a banshee on a fastball? Does a barely audible sigh precede a sneaky curve? Become one with the grunt, my friend.
- The Wind-Up Watch: Is there a flamboyant windmill motion for the heat, or a more economical flick of the wrist for an off-speed pitch? Be a hawk, scrutinize that windup!
- The Hip Check: Does the pitcher's hip fly open like a saloon door on a cutter? Does it stay shut tighter than a clam on a sinker? Master the art of hip-tossing analysis! (Although, security might ask you to leave the stadium if you get too enthusiastic)
Step 2: Patience is a Virtue (Unless You're Facing Bartolo Colon)
Let's face it, nobody enjoys whiffing at three straight high fastballs. But resist the urge to swing at everything! Take a pitch or two, get a feel for the pitcher's repertoire. Who knows, you might even see a hanging curve begging to be launched into the cheap seats.
Hot Tip: Facing a pitcher who throws straight gas like Bartolo Colon in his prime? You might be better off swinging early and hoping for a lucky guess.
Step 3: Practice Makes...Not Perfect, But Way Better
Nobody becomes a pitch-reading savant overnight. Head over to batting practice and face a variety of pitchers. Experiment! Swing at borderline pitches, see how different balls move. You'll build muscle memory (and hopefully not strike out your patience in the process).
Step 4: Embrace the Fun (and the Occasional Meltdown)
Look, we all get fooled by a nasty changeup or a perfectly placed fastball. It's part of the game! Don't throw your controller in frustration (unless it's an old one and you were planning on getting a new one anyway). Laugh it off, adjust your approach, and remember, even the best hitters get fooled sometimes.
Bonus Tip: If all else fails, there's always the "pray and spray" method. It might not be the most elegant approach, but hey, a broken bat is sometimes right.
There you have it, folks! With a dash of humor, a sprinkle of detective work, and a whole lot of practice, you'll be deciphering pitches like a pro in no time. Now get out there and mash some dingers!
