So You Wanna Live in the NYC Projects? A Hipster's Guide (Spoiler Alert: You Don't Actually Want This)
Ah, the allure of the NYC projects. Brick facades bathed in that golden hour glow, laundry waltzing on fire escapes like a never-ending performance art piece, and the dulcet tones of sirens your nightly lullaby. Intrigued? Well, hold on to your artisanal pickles, because this ain't your grandma's rom-com meet-cute.
Step 1: Ditch the Doc Martens and Embrace the Timbs
Forget your vintage Levis and those ironic band tees. Here in the projects, fashion is all about function (and maybe a hint of intimidation). Think heavy-duty boots you can outrun a mugger in, and a hoodie that doubles as a bulletproof vest (not really, but it adds a certain...je ne sais quoi).
Pro Tip: Stock up on those ironic band tees though, for ironic garage sale purchases.
Step 2: Befriend Your Local Bodega Owner
The bodega is your lifeline. Need a questionable breakfast sandwich at 3 am? Bodega. Power outage and your artisanal cheese collection is weeping? Bodega has candles (probably). Need to practice your Spanish while arguing about lottery numbers? The bodega owner's your new language partner.
Remember: Respect is key. Learn their name, bring your own bag (those paper ones ain't sturdy enough for a gallon of mystery milk), and avoid asking for kale chips.
Step 3: Master the Art of the Side Hustle
Forget freelancing for that vegan dog food company. In the projects, the side hustle game is strong. We're talking everything from selling bootleg mixtapes out of your window to offering "life coaching" (read: pep talks delivered on a stoop). Be creative, but remember, keep it legal-ish.
Bonus points: If you can somehow incorporate artisanal pickles into your hustle, you'll be a local legend.
Step 4: Embrace the Community (Unless They're Blocking the Hallway)
There's a certain charm to close-knit communities. Your neighbors will know your entire life story, including that embarrassing incident with the bodega cat and the spilled kimchi. They'll also be the first to lend a hand (or a cup of sugar...or a jump start for your questionable car).
Just remember: Sometimes a little personal space goes a long way. Especially when Ms. Hernandez is airing out her vintage chenille bedspread in the hallway again.
Look, here's the truth: Living in the NYC projects is an experience. It's loud, it's messy, and it's definitely not for the faint of heart (or those with a serious avocado addiction). But there's a sense of community, resilience, and a whole lot of character you just won't find in a fancy high-rise.
That being said, this guide is mostly satire. There are many challenges to living in public housing, and it's not something to be taken lightly. But hey, if you're looking for an adventure (and maybe a chance to finally use that vintage fire escape cookbook), who am I to judge? Just make sure you pack your wits and a sense of humor. You'll need both.
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