How to Pick Your MLB Squad: A Guide for the Bewildered Baseball Fan
Ah, the siren song of summer nights, the crack of the bat, the existential dread of a ninth-inning strikeout with the bases loaded. Baseball season is upon us, and you, my friend, find yourself adrift in a sea of pinstripes, jerseys, and questionable mascots. Fear not, fellow fan-to-be! This guide will equip you with the knowledge to navigate the glorious, confusing world of Major League Baseball and choose your team.
Step 1: Embrace the Geographical Fallacy (Unless You Don't)
Do you bleed the colors of your hometown? Awesome! Root for your local team, revel in the shared agony and ecstasy with your neighbors, and wear your allegiance like a badge of honor. Just be prepared for the inevitable ribbing from your geographically-superior cousin who supports a team that actually wins championships.
Not feeling the hometown love? No worries! Baseball is a national treasure, and rooting for a team across the country is perfectly acceptable. Just, uh, maybe avoid wearing their jersey to a bar on game night in their rival city. Trust me.
Step 2: The Allure of the Aesthetics
Let's be honest, some jerseys are just chef's kiss. Do the dazzling colors of the Miami Marlins make your heart sing, or do you find the classic pinstripes of the New York Yankees to ooze sophistication (or, depending on your perspective, arrogance)? Picking a team based on aesthetics is a perfectly valid strategy. After all, looking good is half the battle, right? Just remember, a flashy jersey doesn't guarantee a winning team. Be prepared to explain your unwavering support during those inevitable losing streaks (it's all part of the rollercoaster, my friend!).
Step 3: The Player Whisperer Within
Maybe aesthetics aren't your thing. Perhaps you crave a deeper connection. Do you admire a player's dazzling bat skills or a pitcher's filthy curveball? Follow that player! Learn their backstory, their walk-up song, and their most dramatic bat flips. Become their biggest fan, and by proxy, a fan of their team. Just be prepared for some heartache if your muse gets traded (looking at you, Mookie!).
Step 4: The Mascot: Friend or Foe?
Some mascots are iconic. Who doesn't love the fuzzy green menace that is the Phillie Phanatic? Others...well, let's just say they raise more questions than cheers (looking at you, San Diego Chicken). Can you tolerate, or even embrace, the mascot's antics? Because trust me, they'll be a constant presence.
Step 5: The Feels
Ultimately, choosing your team is about the feels. Watch some games, soak in the atmosphere, and see if a particular team sparks something within you. Do you find yourself inexplicably drawn to a team's underdog spirit? Maybe you crave the sheer chaos of a team perpetually on the cusp of greatness (go Cubs!).
Remember, there are no wrong answers! The beauty of baseball is its rich tapestry of teams, each with their own unique history and passionate fans. So grab a beer, settle in for a game, and let your baseball fandom blossom!
