How to Crush Your Buddies in MLB The Show 23: A Guide for Glorious Gloating
Ah, MLB The Show 23. The virtual diamond where dreams are crushed (mostly your friends') and bragging rights are earned (mostly by you, after reading this guide). You've got the game, you've (hopefully) showered this week, but how do you vanquish your pals and reign supreme? Fear not, fellow baseball enthusiast, for I, your trusty (and hilarious) guide, am here to show you the way.
Step 1: Befriending Your Soon-to-be Broken Enemies
This might seem counter-intuitive, but trust me. You need someone to play against, right? Here's your chance to subtly (or not so subtly) massage their egos. Talk up their hitting skills, their pitching prowess. Let them believe they have a fighting chance. It'll make their inevitable defeat all the sweeter. Mwahahahaha! (Unless they actually do win, then maybe rethink your strategy...)
Step 2: Choosing Your Weapon (A.K.A. Picking Your Team)
This is where the real fun begins. Do you go with your favorite team, striking fear into their hearts with the sheer power of Aaron Judge (assuming he's still a monster in MLB The Show 23)? Or, do you take a team they despise, reveling in their groans with every stolen base by a pesky second baseman? The choice is yours, but remember: victory tastes sweeter when dipped in the salty tears of defeat.
Step 3: Mastering the Art of Pitching (or How to Make Them Look Silly)
Pitching is like a magic show: you gotta keep your opponent guessing. Mix up your fastballs, curveballs, and sliders like a box of fancy chocolates. Aim high, aim low, make 'em flail wildly at air like a confused penguin at a baseball game (hey, it's a visual!). Remember, a swinging strike is a thing of beauty, a symphony of dominance.
Step 4: Hitting Like a Champ (Because Who Needs Pitching Anyway?)
Okay, maybe pitching is kinda important, but let's be honest, nothing feels better than launching a colossal dong clean over the outfield wall. Time those pitches perfectly, unleash your inner Babe Ruth, and watch your friend's controller go flying across the room. Just be sure they have a spare. You wouldn't want to deprive them of their future misery, would you?
Step 5: Bragging Rights: The Sweetest Victory
You've dominated the mound, sent baseballs into orbit, and emerged victorious. Now comes the most important part: bragging shamelessly. Remind them of your pre-game predictions of their demise. Casually drop a "no sweat" after a particularly close call. Basically, act like you do this every day. Because with this guide, you basically will.
Bonus Tip: The Art of the Taunt
Let's face it, a blowout is even better with a little pizazz. Master the art of the well-timed quick chat message. A simple "" after a strikeout can be surprisingly demoralizing. Just don't overdo it. You want to be a gloating victor, not a sore winner. (Although, a little bit of sore never hurt anybody...)
There you have it, my friends. With these tips and a healthy dose of trash talk, you'll be the undisputed ruler of your MLB The Show 23 circle. Now go forth, conquer the virtual diamond, and remember: winning is fun, but crushing your friends' spirits is even better! (Except, maybe, don't crush them too hard. You still gotta hang out with them after, right?)
