How to Crush Your Friend's Dreams (in MLB The Show 23): A Playbook for the Slightly Sadistic
Ah, the sweet science of baseball. The crack of the bat, the roar of the crowd...and the utter humiliation of your friend on the other side of the controller. That's right, folks, we're here to talk about MLB The Show 23, and more importantly, how to turn your friend's baseball dreams into a smoldering pile of strikeouts and fielding errors.
Step 1: Befriending Your Soon-to-be Broken Rival
First things first, you need a friend. Preferably one with a healthy ego and a competitive streak a mile wide. This ensures maximum satisfaction when you emerge victorious. Bonus points if they're a die-hard fan of a team with a terrible recent record.
Pro Tip: Casually mentioning how you "dusted off" MLB The Show 23 might be enough to spark a challenge. Just be sure to act surprised when they take you up on it.
Step 2: The Friend Zone...or The "Exhibition" Zone?
Now that your unsuspecting opponent is primed for battle, it's time to choose your weapon. We're talking about the glorious "Exhibition" mode, folks. This is your playground, your Colosseum, where you'll watch your friend's baseball hopes turn to dust.
Now, here's the fun part: You get to customize the beatdown.
- Difficulty: Please slide that pitching difficulty all the way to "Hall of Fame," would you? We wouldn't want your friend to get too comfortable, would we?
- Stadium: Feeling spicy? Pick a hitter's paradise like Coors Field. Watch your friend flail helplessly as dinky fly balls turn into majestic home runs. Muwahahaha!
- Game Length: Full nine innings? Nah, that's for chumps. Go for a quick, three-inning demolition. You want to leave them wanting more...like a victory they'll never achieve.
Step 3: Unleashing Your Inner (Not-So-Inner) Baseball Genius
Alright, button mashers, this is where your skills (or lack thereof) come into play. Here are some tips to maximize your friend's misery:
- Pitching: Forget fancy pitches. Just spam fastballs high and tight. Who needs finesse when brute force works?
- Hitting: Power swing everything! There's a reason they call it "The Show," and that reason is LAUNCHING DINGERS.
- Baserunning: Honestly, who cares about baserunning? Just focus on making your friend cry with strikeouts and towering home runs.
Remember: Confidence is key. Talk smack, celebrate every out, and act like you've won the World Series every time you score a run.
Step 4: The Post-Game Gloatening (Optional, But Highly Recommended)
This is where you separate the good victors from the great ones. A master of the digital diamond revels in their friend's despair. Here are some golden post-game phrases:
- "Wow, you looked a little rusty out there. Maybe next time?" (Said with a perfectly straight face)
- "See? I told you I haven't lost my touch." (Even if you haven't played since the PS2 days)
- Friend: "Ugh, that was lucky." You: "Lucky? My friend, that was pure skill." (Strike a dramatic pose, just for effect)
Bonus Round: If your friend is a sore loser, subtly suggest they invest in a controller with a better warranty.
There you have it, folks! With a little strategy and a whole lot of schadenfreude, you'll be crushing your friend's baseball dreams in MLB The Show 23 in no time. Remember, it's not about winning, it's about crushing their spirit...with a baseball bat metaphorically speaking, of course.
