You and 50,000 Others: The Slightly Hysterical Guide to Running the 2023 NYC Marathon (That Already Happened)
So, you wanna conquer the concrete jungle and join the masses of humanity snaking their way through the five boroughs? The NYC Marathon is a bucket list experience, for sure, but getting in is harder than finding a decent bagel at 2 pm. Fear not, fellow fantastical runner, because this guide will be your Yoda (or, you know, that hot dog vendor at mile 16).
The Not-So-Secret Gateway: The Time Machine
Let's be honest, the easiest way into the 2023 marathon would've been a time machine set to 2022. Back then, you could qualify by running a scorching pace at a designated race. But hey, hindsight is 20/20, and unless Doc Brown is your neighbor, this option is a no-go.
The Lottery: May the Odds Be Ever in Your Favor
For the average runner (read: me, who gets winded chasing the ice cream truck), the lottery is the great equalizer. Here's the deal: you toss your name in a metaphorical hat, some fancy computer program picks winners, and voila! You're either celebrating or drowning your sorrows in a pretzel (because, New York). Remember, this was for 2023, but hey, who knows, maybe they'll need last-minute replacements next year. Just sayin'.
Alternative Universes: Charities, Teams, and Virtual Reality
If Lady Luck isn't on your side, there are other galaxies to explore:
- Charities: Run for a cause and a guaranteed spot! Just remember, those fundraising minimums can be a doozy.
- Teams: Join a corporate team or a tour operator's group. This usually comes with a hefty price tag, but hey, at least you'll have some built-in running buddies (or maybe someone to carry you when you hit the wall).
- Virtual Reality: Believe it or not, you could've run a virtual NYC Marathon...from your basement. Not quite the same as the real deal, but hey, at least you could pause for pizza breaks.
The 15+ Legacy Program: Not for Us Mere Mortals
If you've completed 15 NYC Marathons, well, my friend, you've earned a permanent golden ticket. But for the rest of us, this is the running equivalent of Valhalla.
So You Didn't Make It in 2023?
Don't fret! Here's the silver lining: you've got a whole year to train for the 2024 NYC Marathon! Use this as motivation (and maybe a consolation prize pint of Ben & Jerry's).
This guide may not have gotten you into the 2023 race, but hopefully, it provided some laughs and a roadmap for the future. Now, get out there and train, because next year, that coveted spot on the starting line could be yours! Just remember, train hard, dream big, and maybe avoid hot dog vendors until after mile 20.
