The Big Autopsy Apple: A Not-So-Grim Guide to Autopsies in NYC
So, your dearly departed kicked the bucket in the city that never sleeps. Now, before you hit the bodega for a gallon of denial eggnog, there's a chance you might be considering an autopsy. Maybe there are some unanswered questions, or perhaps you just want to make sure they didn't shuffle off this mortal coil clutching a winning lottery ticket. Whatever the reason, you're wondering: how do I request an autopsy in this concrete jungle?
Hold Your Horses (or Hearses)
Don't go busting down the doors of the nearest medical examiner's office just yet. In NYC, autopsies are usually performed by the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner (OCME) and they have the final say on whether an autopsy is necessary. They're the gatekeepers of the gurney, if you will. In most cases, if the cause of death is clear-cut (like a heart attack witnessed by a medical professional), an autopsy won't be required.
But Hey, I Want Answers!
That's perfectly reasonable! If you have questions about the cause of death, suspect foul play (mafia hitmen are less common than you think these days), or have a family history of a particular illness, then requesting an autopsy might be the way to go. Just be prepared to plead your case, CSI style.
Who Gets to Decide?
In NYC, the call on an autopsy usually falls to the "next of kin," which basically means the closest living relative. So, if you're the spouse, child, parent, or sibling, you get to make the call. Bonus points if you can dramatically recreate the family tree on a cocktail napkin.
Alright, Alright, How Do I Request One?
Now we're getting somewhere! Here's the nitty-gritty:
- Contact the OCME: You can call them at (212) 447-2030 and explain your situation. Be prepared to answer questions about the deceased and why you want an autopsy.
- Be Patient: The OCME will review the case and decide if an autopsy is necessary. This can take some time, so don't expect an answer overnight (unless it's a particularly suspicious case, then maybe Netflix can hold off on that true-crime documentary marathon).
- Be Prepared for Costs: There may be some fees associated with an autopsy, so make sure you understand the financial implications before you proceed.
The Aftermath (Not Literally, We Hope)
If the OCME approves the autopsy, they'll handle everything from scheduling to the actual procedure. Once the autopsy is complete, it will take some time to get the results. Be patient, grasshopper.
Important Side Note: This Ain't CSI
Real-life autopsies aren't quite as glamorous (or fast) as what you see on TV. There won't be dramatic reveals under blacklights, and the results can take weeks, not hours. So, adjust your expectations accordingly.
There you have it! Your crash course on requesting an autopsy in NYC. Hopefully, this guide helps you navigate this process with a little less stress and a lot more understanding. Remember, even in the face of loss, a little humor can go a long way. Just don't crack any jokes around the funeral director, they've heard them all.
