So You Fancy Becoming a Digital Walter White, Eh? A Guide to the Voice Cast of "How to Sell Drugs Online (Fast)" in 5 Accents (Because Who Dubs German These Days?)
Netflix's "How to Sell Drugs Online (Fast)" is more than just a cautionary tale about teenage entrepreneurship gone wrong (though there's definitely a healthy dose of that). It's also a wild ride through the world of dark web marketplaces, complete with a killer soundtrack and a cast of characters that are equal parts hilarious and terrifying. But what if, like most of us mere mortals, German isn't exactly your cup of tea? Fear not, fellow couch potatoes, for Netflix has blessed us with the glorious option of dubbed audio!
However, with great voice acting power comes great responsibility...to choose the perfect accent, that is. Here's your not-so-scientific guide to the British voice actors of "How to Sell Drugs Online (Fast)" to help you pick your flavor:
1. Received Pronunciation (Posh Spice, Basically): Buckle up, because you're about to enter the world of Moritz Zimmermann, the voice of Moritz, our protagonist's tech-savvy best friend. Imagine if Hugh Grant decided to narrate a drug-dealing documentary – that's Moritz in a nutshell. This accent is perfect for those who enjoy a touch of class with their criminal activity.
Subheading: A Word of Warning This poshness might not translate well to the often crude humor of the show. You might find yourself snorting tea (the legal kind, we hope) at some of the dialogue.
2. Broad Geordie (Think Cheryl From "Coronation Street"): If you crave a bit more down-to-earth authenticity, then look no further than the dulcet tones of Lucy Dixon, who voices Lisa, Moritz's on-again-off-again girlfriend. Get ready for a healthy dose of "like, totally" and "mint," because Lisa's Geordie accent is as thick as a Greggs steak bake.
Subheading: Subtitle City Unless you have a Geordie dictionary handy, you might need subtitles on for this one. But hey, at least you'll sound like a right laugh trying to decipher it all at the pub.
3. The All-Purpose Southern Comfort (Because the South Rises Again...Somehow): Sometimes, you just want a voice that sounds like butter melting on a warm biscuit. Enter Charlie Hollins, the voice of Dan, another one of Moritz's tech-savvy pals. This Southern drawl is as smooth as sweet tea, making even the most intense drug dealing sound like a casual chat on the porch swing.
Subheading: Universally Understood (Probably): This accent is a crowd-pleaser. Your grandma will understand it, your mates will understand it, even your goldfish might raise an eyebrow in recognition.
4. The Scottish Mystery (Nessie Has Nothing on This Accent): If you're feeling adventurous, then dive headfirst into the enigmatic world of Jack Bannon, the voice of Lenny, a mysterious figure from Moritz's dark web past. This Scottish accent is as thick as haggis, and about as easy to understand – which, to be fair, perfectly suits Lenny's shady character.
Subheading: Intrigue Factor = 100 You might not understand half of what Lenny says, but you'll be glued to the screen trying to figure it out. Bonus points for feeling like you're in on some secret society.
5. The All-American Everyman (Because America?): Rounding out our cast is Freddy Parker, the voice of Filip, another friend of Moritz's. Freddy's American accent is about as plain vanilla as they come, which is perhaps fitting for a character who often gets swept up in the chaos Moritz creates.
Subheading: Bland, But Safe This accent is the white bread of voice acting choices. Inoffensive, familiar, and perfectly adequate.
Ultimately, the choice of British accent is yours, my friend. Will you go posh with Moritz, Geordie with Lisa, or maybe a touch of Southern charm with Dan? The only wrong answer is watching the show on mute (although, that might be a good idea for certain scenes involving Lenny...). So grab your virtual shopping cart, fire up Netflix, and get ready to experience the dark world of drug dealing with a healthy dose of British charm. Just remember, kids, drugs are bad, but good voice acting is forever.
