How to NOT Sell Drugs Online (Fast) and Avoid a Lenny-esque Demise: A Cautionary Tale (with Laughs)
Ah, "How to Sell Drugs Online (Fast)". We've all seen it, that gloriously chaotic Netflix show where Moritz and Lenny take the internet by storm with their dubious dark web pharmacy, MyDrugs. But let's be honest, their journey is less "rise to riches" and more "recipe for disaster with a sprinkle of existential dread." So, before you get all "Walter White wannabe" on us, here's a hilariously helpful guide to ensure your online drug dealing dreams don't turn into a Lenny-level nightmare.
Step 1: Don't Be Moritz
This might seem obvious, but trust me, it's not. Moritz, bless his ambitious heart, has the technical skills of a squirrel on Red Bull and the business sense of a goldfish with a "Going Out of Business" sign. Remember that time he accidentally sold ecstasy laced with a deadly substance? Yeah, not a good look, dude.
Subheading: Embrace the Boring Life (It's Safer)
Seriously, there's a reason why people get excited about getting a good deal on printer ink. Find that niche, stick with it, and avoid the whole "fleeing from international drug lords" situation.
Step 2: Your Parents WILL Find Out
Remember that awkward "birds and the bees" talk? This is basically the online drug dealing version. Unless your parents are cooler than Snoop Dogg himself, they're going to sniff you out faster than a bloodhound on a truffle hunt. Exhibit A: Lisa finding those pills and promptly freaking. Need I say more?
Subheading: The Internet Isn't Anonymous (Your Mom Knows This)
Just because you have a cool hacker name like "PurpleRain" doesn't mean the authorities can't track you down. Imagine the look on your face when Officer McGruff shows up at your door because you forgot to clear your browsing history.
Step 3: The Dark Web is Dark for a Reason
Yeah, it sounds edgy and mysterious, but trust me, it's about as glamorous as navigating a forgotten corner of the internet filled with questionable content and even more questionable people. Remember Maarten? The creepy Dutch gangster with questionable fashion choices? Not exactly the kind of clientele you want to build a business on.
Subheading: Stick to Legal Streaming Services (They Have Better Shows Anyway)
Seriously, with all the amazing shows and movies out there, why risk jail time for something that could be a plot point in a bad reality TV show?
Step 4: Lenny Deserved Better (But Seriously, Don't Be Him)
Lenny, the poor guy, gets dragged into this whole mess and ends up...well, let's just say his fate isn't exactly spoiler-worthy. Don't be Lenny. Focus on your health (get well soon, buddy!), your friendships (because real friends don't get you mixed up in international drug trafficking), and maybe pick up a new hobby (like, I dunno, knitting?).
The Takeaway: There's a Reason Why They Call it "Fiction"
"How to Sell Drugs Online (Fast)" is entertaining, sure, but it's a cautionary tale, not a blueprint for success. So, ditch the dark web, channel your inner entrepreneur into something legal (like a killer lemonade stand!), and remember, there's more to life than fleeting internet fame and questionable business ventures.
(P.S. Maybe stick to playing video games online. Less jail time, more fun.)
