So You Think You Can Outrun a Chainsaw? A Guide to Not Getting Turned into Chili in Texas Chain Saw Massacre: The Game
Let's face it, folks, there's nothing quite like the thrill (and terror) of being chased by a chainsaw-wielding maniac through a dusty Texas backroad. Especially when you're the maniac's unfortunate dinner guest. But fear not, potential chum! This here guide will equip you with the knowledge to survive the night, or at least provide some quality entertainment for Leatherface and his kin.
Picking Your Poison: Victims vs. Family
The Victims: A Desperate Scramble for Freedom
- Who you are: Fragile meatsacks, the tastiest prey this side of the Pecos River.
- Your goal: Escape! Find the car keys, hotwire that jalopy, and get the heck outta Dodge (or Slaughter County, whatever).
- Keys to survival:
- Sticking Together (mostly): There's power in numbers, unless you're all huddled in a corner becoming a chainsaw buffet. Coordinate, communicate, and maybe even throw a wrench in the family business (literally, if you can find one).
- Know the Lingo: Those cryptic symbols on the map? They ain't just pretty squiggles. Learn what they mean - escape routes, traps, Grandpa's drool puddles - vital intel for survival.
- The Ol' Bait and Switch: Leatherface ain't the brightest bulb. Lure him away from your teammates with a well-timed car alarm or a strategically placed shoe (distracting with footwear is a Texas tradition, after all).
The Family: A Dysfunctional Dinner Party Gone Horribly Wrong
- Who you are: Leatherface, Drayton, Nubbins, and the lovely Ginny (though lovely might be a stretch). A delightful bunch with a rather unique approach to hospitality.
- Your goal: Make sure those pesky teenagers become part of the family...dinner.
- Family Values (of a Sort):
- Coordination is Key: Don't just chase shiny things (like fleeing victims). Work together to cut off escape routes, herd those pesky teens, and rev up that chainsaw symphony.
- Traps for the Hapless: Those teenagers might be resourceful, but a well-placed bear trap can put a damper on their escape plans.
- Embrace the Grunt: You ain't exactly MENSA material, but a good, old-fashioned roar can strike fear into the hearts of even the bravest victim.
Bonus Tips: How to Die Like a Champion (or at Least Look Halfway Decent Doing It)
- Fashion Matters (Even in the Apocalypse): Look, if you're gonna become Leatherface's main course, at least do it with a modicum of style. Channel your inner 70s icon and rock that bell-bottom while you scream.
- The Art of Taunting: If you're a victim about to meet your maker, why not go out with a bang? Taunt Leatherface with your best high school witticism. Maybe it'll distract him long enough for your teammate to escape...or maybe it'll just make him hungrier. You win some, you lose some.
- The Unexpected Weapon: Desperate times call for desperate measures. A strategically placed rock, a well-timed flying boot - hey, it might just buy you a precious few seconds.
Remember, folks, this ain't summer camp. This is Texas. So grab your best running shoes (or chainsaw, depending on your team), and get ready for a night you won't forget (unless you get turned into chili, then forgetfulness might be a blessing).
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