La La Land and Laughs: Your Guide to Conquering LA (Without Selling a Kidney)
Ah, Los Angeles. The land of dreams, movie stars, and enough sunshine to make a vampire reconsider their life choices. But what exactly can you do in this sprawling metropolis besides dodge rogue influencers and perfect your tan? Buckle up, buttercup, because we're about to dive into the hilarious underbelly (and sometimes not-so-underbelly) of things to do in LA.
Theme Parks: Where Your Inner Child Throws a Rave
- Universal Studios Hollywood: Ride the movies! Literally. This park throws you into the heart of your favorite films, from facing down a T-Rex in Jurassic Park to braving the Upside Down in Stranger Things. Just be prepared for that post-ride nausea to feel suspiciously like you just got into a fender bender with a giant banana peel (it's the motion simulator, we swear).
- Disneyland Resort: The happiest place on earth...or at least until your third hangry meltdown in line for Space Mountain. Disneyland is a classic for a reason, with rides, shows, and enough churros to feed a small army. Though for the adults, the real thrill might be explaining to your kids why Mickey Mouse costs more to meet than your therapist.
Pro Tip: Don't forget the sunscreen! Unless you're going for that "lobster cosplay" look.
Beaches: Where the Sun Meets the Sand (and Occasionally, a Discarded Hot Dog)
- Venice Beach: Welcome to the circus, folks! Venice Beach is a sensory overload of muscle men, street performers, and enough tie-dye to make a hippie blush. You can watch seasoned surfers shred the waves or witness a mime having an existential crisis. Just keep an eye on your belongings – seagulls here are notorious for their kleptomaniac tendencies (we're looking at you, Steve).
- Santa Monica Beach: For a more relaxed vibe, head to Santa Monica Beach. Rent a bike for a scenic cruise along the boardwalk, take a dip in the Pacific Ocean, or just people-watch and pretend you're a Hollywood talent scout (because, hey, maybe you are!).
Warning: Ocean water in LA can be chilly year-round. Unless you're attempting the polar bear plunge (in which case, more power to you!), pack a wetsuit if you plan on venturing beyond ankle-deep.
Hollywood: Where Dreams are Made (and Crushed...Mostly Crushed)
- Hollywood Walk of Fame: Walk amongst the stars (literally, on the sidewalk)! See if you can find your favorite celebrity's star and reenact that scene from Wayne's World where they bow down dramatically. Just be prepared to dodge selfie sticks and questionable impersonators.
- The Dolby Theatre: Home to the Oscars! While you might not snag a red carpet invite (trust me, we've all tried), you can still take a tour of this iconic theater and pretend you're a nominee giving your acceptance speech.
Insider Tip: Hollywood is a bit...touristy. If you're looking for a more authentic LA experience, head to a local comedy club or explore some of the city's many trendy neighborhoods.
Museums: Where History (and Sometimes Weird Stuff) Comes Alive
- The Getty Center: Perched high above the city, the Getty Center offers stunning views and an impressive art collection. Just be prepared to work up a sweat navigating the getty center's neverending switchbacks – it's like hiking, but with priceless art instead of poison oak.
- La Brea Tar Pits: Step back in time (or maybe just sink into it?) at the La Brea Tar Pits. See prehistoric creatures who weren't lucky enough to avoid this sticky situation, and ponder your own mortality (because isn't that what a good museum visit is all about?).
LA Fun Fact: Did you know that beneath the city of LA lies a massive pool of tar? It's basically like living on top of a giant natural flypaper. Fun, right?
This is just a taste of the wild and wacky adventures that await you in Los Angeles. So, come on down, break out your best Hollywood smile (or fake tan), and get ready to make some memories (and maybe a few embarrassing mistakes) that you'll definitely be Instagramming (with heavy filters, of course).
