So You Think You've Spotted a California Covid Outbreak: A Not-So-Scientific Investigation
Ah, California. Land of sunshine, surf, and...wait for it...occasional rogue Covid outbreaks. But fear not, fellow citizens, for this intrepid investigator (me, with a healthy dose of internet sleuthing) is here to crack the code of what exactly constitutes an "outbreak" in the Golden State.
Gone in 7 Days: The New Flash Outbreak
Forget the 14-day quarantine of yore. In California, if your co-worker Cheryl and her suspiciously sniffly deskmate Kevin both test positive, then Brenda from accounting catches it too – bam! – that's an outbreak, my friends. But wait! Don't pack your bags and flee to the nearest avocado farm just yet. This new definition only lasts for seven whole days. That's right, shorter attention span than a Kardashian marriage. Apparently, after a week, Covid magically forgets Brenda exists and the outbreak self-combusts. Science is amazing, folks.
Outbreak? Or Just a Really Bad Batch of Tacos?
Now, California being California, there's a chance this whole outbreak business might be a misunderstanding. Let's face it, we've all succumbed to a questionable burrito at some point, and the resulting intestinal warzone could be mistaken for Covid by the untrained eye (or nose). Here's a handy outbreak vs. bad burrito flow chart:
- Symptom: Fever, chills, body aches
- Outbreak or Burrito? Probably Outbreak (though questionable burritos can pack a punch)
- Symptom: Sweating profusely, uncontrollable dance moves to Shakira
- Outbreak or Burrito? Burrito, my friend. Fiesta time!
- Symptom: Sudden urge to write a screenplay
- Outbreak or Burrito? Honestly, could be either. California's a weird place.
Please note: This flow chart is for entertainment purposes only. If you suspect Covid, consult a medical professional, not a taco stand.
The Great California Outbreak Hunt: Who You Gonna Call?
So, you think you've stumbled upon a full-fledged Covid outbreak? Don't bother calling the Ghostbusters (although that might be fun). These days, California employers don't need to report outbreaks of less than 20 cases in 30 days to Cal/OSHA. Twenty whole cases! Is that like, a Coachella afterparty, or a slightly sniffly Tuesday at the office?
In conclusion: California's definition of a Covid outbreak is about as clear as a Hollywood ending. But hey, at least it's not a 14-day quarantine anymore, right? Just remember, stay vigilant, wash your hands, and maybe avoid Cheryl's suspiciously close coughs. And if all else fails, blame it on the tacos. Nobody questions a good taco story.
