California Dreamin': How to Avoid Disappointment (and Possibly Befriend a Sea Lion) in the Golden State
Ah, California. The land of sunshine, movie stars, and enough avocados to keep a millennial happy for a lifetime. But fear not, fellow traveler, because venturing into this land of epic proportions can be daunting. So, grab your flip flops (or your snow boots, depending on where you're headed), and get ready to navigate California like a seasoned pro (or at least avoid looking like a complete tourist).
Nature is Calling (and Maybe Saying "Dude, Chill")
- Hit the Beach: California boasts a coastline longer than your average celebrity feud. From the legendary waves of Malibu to the family-friendly shores of Coronado, there's a beach paradise with your name on it. Just remember, sunscreen is your friend (unlike that sunburn that will peel for weeks).
- National Parks: A Choose-Your-Own-Adventure
- Yosemite: Home to giant sequoia trees that will make you feel like an ant and waterfalls that look straight out of a fairytale. Pro tip: practice your best John Muir impression while gazing at the majesty of it all.
- Death Valley: The hottest, driest place in North America. Perfect for those who enjoy feeling like they're on another planet (without the cost of a space shuttle). Just be sure to pack plenty of water – you'll sweat more than at a karaoke bar singing "I Will Survive."
- Joshua Tree: Land of twisted Joshua trees, celebrity wedding chapels, and the occasional psychedelic desert hallucination (or maybe that's just the heat).
Cities that Sizzle (and Maybe Smoke a Little)
- Los Angeles: The City of Angels... and questionable fashion choices. Walk the Hollywood Walk of Fame (and try to dodge the selfie sticks), or take a studio tour and pretend you're best friends with Brad Pitt. Just don't forget your sunglasses – you'll need them for the stargazing (both celestial and celebrity kind).
- San Francisco: Home to the iconic Golden Gate Bridge, cable cars that will climb steeper hills than your dating life, and enough sourdough bread to fuel a small village. Be sure to grab a fortune cookie from Chinatown (and ignore the ominous predictions about your love life).
- San Diego: Sunshine, beaches, and enough craft breweries to make your liver sing (or weep, depending on your consumption rate). Visit the world-famous San Diego Zoo (because who doesn't love pandas?), or catch a game at Petco Park and cheer on the Padres (even if you don't know the difference between a strike and a homerun).
Where to Refuel (Because California Makes You Hungry)
- Food Trucks: Serving up everything from gourmet tacos to life-changing korean BBQ, these culinary nomads are a California staple. Just follow your nose (and the crowd) and prepare to have your taste buds do a happy dance.
- Wine Country: Napa and Sonoma Valley offer world-class wines and enough cheese to build a small castle. Sip, swirl, and slurp (not literally, that's rude) your way through vineyards, and maybe even pretend you know the difference between a pinot noir and a merlot.
- In-N-Out Burger: A California institution. Prepare to experience the joy of a perfectly cooked animal style burger and contemplate why everyone else's hamburgers seem so...meh.
Bonus Tip: Embrace the Weird
California is a land of dreamers, surfers, and people who wear flip flops year-round. So embrace the weirdness! You might just stumble upon a yoga class on the beach at sunrise, a street performer playing the kazoo, or a man walking his pet emu. Just roll with it, take a picture (because, duh, Instagram), and remember, that's just another day in California.
