So You Want to Break Up With Yourself? A Guide to Restraining Orders in California (Because Apparently That's a Thing)
Let's face it, California. Sometimes relationships get messy. Like, "throw-kimchi-at-their-head-in-the-middle-of-Trader-Joe's" messy. That's why restraining orders exist - to create a nice, clear boundary between you and your ex (or creepy neighbor, no judgment). But what happens when the person you need restraining from is... yourself?
Hold on, can you actually get a restraining order against yourself?
Nope. Restraining orders are for protecting yourself from someone else's not-so-chill vibes. But listen, if you're at the point where you need legal protection from your own late-night pizza binges, we might need to have a different kind of intervention.
But Seriously, Folks: Why Would You Violate Your Own Restraining Order?
Maybe you had a fight with yourself in the mirror and things got a little out of hand. Maybe you're just that good at stalking... yourself? Whatever the reason, violating a restraining order is a bad idea. Here's why:
- Jail Time? Not the Kind of Staycation You're Looking For: Violating a restraining order is a crime in California, punishable by up to a year in county jail. Kind of defeats the purpose of staying away from yourself, right?
- The Judge Might Think You're, Well, Crazy: Let's be honest, showing up in court to argue why you should be allowed to harass yourself isn't exactly going to win you Parent of the Year.
- It Weakens the Order: If you violate your own restraining order, it makes it harder for the court to take future restraining orders seriously. Kind of throws a wrench into the whole "protection" thing.
So, What Do You Do If You Feel Like You Need to Break Up With Yourself?
- Channel Your Inner-Ghandi: Take a deep breath, maybe do some yoga. You are strong, you are independent, and you can resist the urge to yell at your reflection for that haircut.
- Talk it Out: Therapist, friend, bartender who remembers your name - whoever it is, vent your frustrations in a healthy way.
- Treat Yo' Self (Responsibly): Retail therapy can be tempting, but maybe opt for a massage instead of that third pair of shoes you don't need.
Look, we all have moments where we want to crawl under a rock and avoid ourselves. But a restraining order isn't the answer. If you are struggling with something serious, please reach out to a crisis hotline or mental health professional. There is help available, and you don't have to go through it alone.
Remember, California: There's only one you, so make it a good one (and stay away from Trader Joe's when you're hangry).
